Need some crit plus I Want to make the intro interactive for the game.

[Dr Fred Rubacant Edison]

Can you give me some ideas and suggestions. I want to make parts of this intro  interactive with the player.

Here is the Intro Movie For the game I'm making Maniac Mansion The New Saga.

Part1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_b6PN43bbo


Part2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBO-oYkWC7Y

[Babar]

Yikes!

Nice intro! I like the little emotion animations you put in there and such. Since it is an (uninteractive) cutscene, perhaps you can treat the player occasionally with stuff like a close-up of the face, or a sprite with interesting angles.

But yes, 16 minutes is definitely too long. You could probably trim a few parts (like JUST at the beginning I was getting a bit bored with all the irrelevant extra stuff about "oh chemistry class finished late!" "oh it is 9 o'clock!" "woodies pizza shack").

If you ask me, even inserting interactive bits between them wouldn't really help. What would the player do? Open the various lockers looking for his stuff? Open the door and confront Ned? It'd all be a bit boring and aimless for the player (who doesn't really know yet what the main thrust of the story is.

Now obviously I don't know the whole story, but if I'm not mistaken, the main points you want to impart on the player are (and I hope I'm not spoiling the story or anything, it is all in the video after all):
- "Everyone is turning into weird zombie creatures"
- "Ned stole Bernard's school/college science project"
- "Perhaps the two are somehow connected!"

So maybe to shorten it a bit, you can remove the portion where Bernard goes back to his home. When he exits the lab (where Ned teleported himself), Bernard and Dave are confronted by a horde of greenies (you could insert some interaction here, with a puzzle on how to escape them, and this way draw the players interest in with the tension). Then they rush to Dave's home, where they see the news. Bernard calls up his house, and finds out that they're infected as well. Then they decide to go....BACK TO THE MANSION.

Whatever, that is just one suggestion. As I said, I don't know the whole story, so I might be wrong on this.

I'm curious, is this game taking place in some alternate storyline where Maniac Mansion never happened? Because it sounds like they're going to the mansion for the first time. And it seems somewhat in confusion whether everyone is going to college or highschool.
I'd also suggest you get a proofreader...there were a couple of typos and some weird grammar.