Insult competition round 2, Eric vs Captain D, VOTE NOW

[Andail]

You know the drill by now!
Eric begins!

[Eric]

Condolences, you're up against an insulting master; and your game's aptly named -- you are a disaster!
I will wear a million stomping boots to dance on your grave. To misquote HAL 9000: I can do that, Dave.

[CaptainD]

OOh, nice!  Game name references!  :-D:-D 

Sadly, Eric, I can't diss you games, as you never have made ones - but if you had, I bet they#d have the most stupid names!
I'd hoped to be pitted against someone with a spark of creative wit; instead I find myself facing a bit of a nitwit

[Eric]

A nitwit you say? Are you thinking of me? Are you aware that my title is Eric, Ph.D.?
As to your games, I've tried out your demo. It played like a Ford Fiesta; mine will be a limo.

(That actually made me sad to type -- I really enjoyed the DHAMSTB demo!)

[CaptainD]

Eric, Ph.D?  But that stands for Philandering Dunce, why would you brag about that even once?!
Your avatar shows up what you are; a peeping Tom, a miserable maggot of a man, a social pariah!

(Yeah I know, that last rhyme was really stretching the boundaries of pronunciation...)

...

(Glad you liked the demo!)

...

(I say, this is a most civil exchange of insults! )

[Eric]

Social pariah? I'm the host with the mostest. I left a party being thrown in my honor to post this.
No invite for you, and that's not accidental. I'd hate to co-mingle with someone so mental.

(Civil indeed! After all, are we not gentlemen?)

[CaptainD]

You pitiful fool, you're really no smarty, you thought your group therapy session was a party!
I wasn't invited because I have no psychological disease, so when you have another "party" remember not to invite me, please.

[Eric]

You don't bother me -- my demeanor is placid. Your delivery's dull and your insults are flaccid.
You're a wastrel, a blockhead, a numbskull, a lout. You might want to call Scotty so he'll beam you out.

(My two-year-old just sat and waved at your avatar on the screen for five minutes as I came up with this, every time yelling, "He disppappeard!")

[CaptainD]

Your Trekkie reference is somewhat inert - you are more expendable than the most stupid Redshirt!
Your efforts to beat me are destined to fail; your efforts at wit are incredibly stale.

(Hehe... my daughter's 2 as well, it's a great age.  They look at everything with eyes of such wonder.)

[Eric]

My comebacks are keen, my insults are barbed. If my shirt is red, then I'm Jean-Luc Picard.
You, on the other hand, have inferior vernacular. As a Captain, you should be canceled like Bakula.

(Some near-rhymes for you this time around!)

[CaptainD]

Like a Klingon you try desperately to cling on, but you're more a Ferengi or even (to cross over to BSG) an evil Cylon
You would no doubt like to be like Obi-Won, but meesa thinks you is more along the lines of Jar Jar Binks!


(Sorry about that one... truly sorry!)

[Eric]

You insulting me? Something's amiss again. I'll blow up your Death Star like Lando Calrissian.
My wit is as sharp as a lightsaber Ginsu. You should just give up. The Force is against you.

[CaptainD]

"Something's amiss again. I'll blow up your Death Star like Lando Calrissian." - that rhyme is a thing of beauty!!

You're making me feel nauseated and annoyed... you have all the charm and wit of a Gonk droid!
Every attempt at intelligence from you is a complete and utter waste... your mind is like putty, a purifying paste.

[Eric]

My insults make wounds that open and fester. Yours are more like a gnat sent to pester.
If you think you might win, then you're under delusion. That you think otherwise gives me cause for confusion.

(Thank you! I wasn't sure if it was too forced or not. I believe you and I are putting on an insult clinic over here. I wonder if we have any readers?)

[CaptainD]

But confusion is your permanent state; in fact you are so pitiful I feel guilty to berate...
However you surely must know you are beaten, as surely as you were not educated at Eton!

(Unless the two of us have viewed this thread 164 times between us, I guess someone else must be looking!  I hope that if nothing else they learn how to be polite when rudely insulting someone. )

[Eric]

Eton? I laugh. Did you think me a Brit? Is it because I'm Oscar Wilde-level wit?
I take it as a compliment, if that gives you solace. But this is your Yorktown, and you are Cornwallis.

[CaptainD]

Wit?  You have about as much as a beetle rolling dung; and you really should know better, you can't even use the excuse of being young!
I think the time has come for you to admit defeat, and admit that your true tutor was none other than Stinky Pete!

[Eric]

How appropriate that you bring up a story of toys. This round's where we separate the men from the boys.
Your chances of winning against me have flown. You might want to take your little ball and go home.

(SOMEBODY'S POISONED THE WATERHOLE! THAR'S A SNAKE IN MY BOOT!)

[CaptainD]

You would have know if you were one, that a real man is not afraid to relive his childhood!
Though in your case, knowing what you did when you were young, the results would not be good...

[Eric]

Insulting my childhood is the weakest of bee stings: from what I can gather, you peaked as as pre-teen.
And then on for you, it's all been downhill. I kind of feel guilty going in for the kill.