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Everyone talks of doing charity these days... I would like to offer my own little bit of help on the forum in the form of an (anonymous if you so choose) advice column.

I holds no bars, I hold no punches, folks. You have a question? I will give you an honest answer - without the pussy footing bullshit.

I carried out a real survey on real people with satisfactory results, to test this out:


Hi Onker,

I am worried about my friend. He is an apple fan just like me, LMAO, but you see, I use an iPhone 4S where as my friend uses an iPhone 4.. How can we still be friends if he doesn't upgrade? I would sure hate to lose him as a friend, but he is so behind the times! What can I do to make him realize this???

Thanks
R.K xxx



Hi R.K,

First of all, who actually gives an actual fuck? Aside from the fact that you are seriously full the worst kind of bullshit. Let me put this into perspective for you:
No-one cares! Apple is the annoying little douche that everyone seems to like and cream over but intelligible folk, hate - everyone knows or has known one of these little bullies, right? They think they can go around suing everyone for shit they didn't even originally conceptualize and charge crazy money for their products. What's worse is that in order to make these overly expensive pieces of crap they wrangle up hundreds of thousands of Asian workers to do their slave labour in return for peanuts. It's despicable what they are doing and the sooner people wake up to their "tyranny" the better. To answer your question, I wouldn't really give a shit tbh, considering it's just a fucking phone! I still have a Nokia and it gets me from a to b!




Hi Onker,

My brother has been engaged to his fiancée for around two years and they are really in love! Problem is my brother doesn't know that I had sex with
his fiancée... I feel really guilty about it but I love her, what can I do! Should I tell him???

Thanks
Davey frm Telford



Hi Davey,

Jesus man.. Are you serious? You fucked up. First of all you don't do that sort of shit to your own flesh and blood! What is wrong with you? My suggestion is that you tell him and deal with the consequences. If you cannot handle it, tough! You dug the grave mate. Plus, how do you know for sure she won't do the same to you? Do you think you are special? She felt your touch and "oh my god!" she is smitten? Alot of folks will say the old cliche an old leopard can't change it spots". but maybe you are the exception, right? If you are concerned that I somehow offended you, you're a fucking idiot. Tell your brother. It beats living in a world of guilt.




Hi Onker,

I really have a problem with smoking and drinking, I cannot seem to stop! I tell myself that it's best for my health if I do but nothing seems to work!
Can you help me?
H8ter n00b



Hi H8ter n00b,

Interesting name btw, I would sue your parents. But on a serious note - I admittedly smoke and drink a hell of a lot too. It is not good, agreed. If you really want to give up something you have to "want" it. If you don't "want" it, it will never happen trust me. Why are you wasting your fucking time writing to me when you could be quitting, for example? The whole thing makes no sense. We do what makes us feel good. It's the human condition. It we didn't act this way we would just be weird! You have to really size it up. Would you rather live 30 or so years or enjoy a smoke and a drink and live 20 or so years? It's all down to personal choice. I tried to quit many many times to no avail. If you are serious, I recommend this book: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Smoking-Permanently-Penguin-Health-Fitness/dp/0140244751


I await eagerly for your questions. But, do not expect a quick answer - I am most likely to answer at the weekend.

Cheers
Onker

[O n k e r g a m e s p r e s e n t s]

O n k e r  g a m e s  p r e s e n t s

G e t  O u t  O f  H e l l

About: As the youngest member of the Frantenelli mafia, Franco has set out to make a name for himself. Managing to accumulate several million dollars worth of illegal arms, it seems Frantenelli has bitten off a bit more than he can chew, causing an international incident in the process. Called on when all else fails, special agent 'COMMO' joins Captain Shearak and his group of law enforcers to venture into Frantenelli's den. Shearak has seen his share of criminal scum. Fighting along side COMMO back in the the times of the great war, Shearak decides to call on his old comrade in hope of a miracle. What begins as a simple clean-up mission soon erupts into a cesspool of lies and corruption.   

Genre: Set in a futuristic dystopia where crime is rife and the law-man a dying breed, COMMO: Get Out Of Hell, plays as an action shooter / adventure game in the style of a motion picture/graphic novel.

About the author: This will be my first game venture with AGS. I have professional experience with design, graphics, scripting and music composition, not to mention a long standing ambition to dip my foot into the game developing pool since a while now. I can tend to be a bit of a loud mouthed and opinionated member of the community here at AGS, but believe me it is just for the banter. Since I am creating every aspect of the game myself it has been a time consuming process, however I do plan to release the full version of the game in the early months of 2013. If this deadline is not reached however, I will instead release the game in chapters. Hopefully players will recognise that I have tried to (and fingers crossed, successfully) do something different with the engine. Cheers!

Screenshots:

E p i c  e n t r a n c e s . . .




O r i g i n a l  s t o r y l i n e . . .




A c t i o n  p a c k e d  a d v e n t u r e . . .




S i c k  m o t h e r f * * k e r s . . .




H o n o r a b l e  a l l i e s . . .




D e a d l y  d r o i d s . . .




F u t u r i s t i c  d y s t o p i a . . .

P r o g r e s s:

Writing 98%
Graphics 65%
Scripting 75%
Music/Sound 45%