Messages

Baron, you mönster!!1!1!

Hi Ponch,

So you just turned forty and you are asking me for advice? What the fuck is wrong with you? Surely a life well spent then...
I would suggest getting out there man. If what you say is true, it sounds like a woman is bringing you down. You don't sound too happy about it so I would just say away to fuck, bitch. End of.

Ofcourse - then you have nothing to complain about, that's how it is (however sad it may be, you get used to it). Unless you love her, then it's just tough shit! That's what we all have to put up with - just ask mine!

Hi Arma,

That is a good question. Let me just say I absolutely loved magnolia. Who fucking wouldn't? Let's be honest, a selection of characters who have theirs lives intertwined in such a symbolic way, whilst holding their own individual and interesting yet fucked up interesting stories in a mighty chasm, whilst still managing to keep the viewer interested... That takes a certain amount of writers talent. But come on, the guy is a douche bag. He tries to act like he is some kinda enigma. Want to know who was an actual enigma? David Lynch. That guy knows his shit. I hate all the bullshit that modern Hollywood insists on melting our eyes with but, David Lynch, he's a respected motherfucker. Everyone knows that son-of-a-bitch-for one reason or another. Paul Thomas Anderson will be remembered - that is sure. But to the extent of Lynch? I don't think so... I am being picky though, we need more like him.
It's a case of cult meets cult. And Lynch is the bad backstreet boy shoe cobblin'tailor. You just do not mess. To channel your inner Kubrick, you just have to be real. Any bullshit is unacceptable.

Everyone talks of doing charity these days... I would like to offer my own little bit of help on the forum in the form of an (anonymous if you so choose) advice column.

I holds no bars, I hold no punches, folks. You have a question? I will give you an honest answer - without the pussy footing bullshit.

I carried out a real survey on real people with satisfactory results, to test this out:


Hi Onker,

I am worried about my friend. He is an apple fan just like me, LMAO, but you see, I use an iPhone 4S where as my friend uses an iPhone 4.. How can we still be friends if he doesn't upgrade? I would sure hate to lose him as a friend, but he is so behind the times! What can I do to make him realize this???

Thanks
R.K xxx



Hi R.K,

First of all, who actually gives an actual fuck? Aside from the fact that you are seriously full the worst kind of bullshit. Let me put this into perspective for you:
No-one cares! Apple is the annoying little douche that everyone seems to like and cream over but intelligible folk, hate - everyone knows or has known one of these little bullies, right? They think they can go around suing everyone for shit they didn't even originally conceptualize and charge crazy money for their products. What's worse is that in order to make these overly expensive pieces of crap they wrangle up hundreds of thousands of Asian workers to do their slave labour in return for peanuts. It's despicable what they are doing and the sooner people wake up to their "tyranny" the better. To answer your question, I wouldn't really give a shit tbh, considering it's just a fucking phone! I still have a Nokia and it gets me from a to b!




Hi Onker,

My brother has been engaged to his fiancée for around two years and they are really in love! Problem is my brother doesn't know that I had sex with
his fiancée... I feel really guilty about it but I love her, what can I do! Should I tell him???

Thanks
Davey frm Telford



Hi Davey,

Jesus man.. Are you serious? You fucked up. First of all you don't do that sort of shit to your own flesh and blood! What is wrong with you? My suggestion is that you tell him and deal with the consequences. If you cannot handle it, tough! You dug the grave mate. Plus, how do you know for sure she won't do the same to you? Do you think you are special? She felt your touch and "oh my god!" she is smitten? Alot of folks will say the old cliche an old leopard can't change it spots". but maybe you are the exception, right? If you are concerned that I somehow offended you, you're a fucking idiot. Tell your brother. It beats living in a world of guilt.




Hi Onker,

I really have a problem with smoking and drinking, I cannot seem to stop! I tell myself that it's best for my health if I do but nothing seems to work!
Can you help me?
H8ter n00b



Hi H8ter n00b,

Interesting name btw, I would sue your parents. But on a serious note - I admittedly smoke and drink a hell of a lot too. It is not good, agreed. If you really want to give up something you have to "want" it. If you don't "want" it, it will never happen trust me. Why are you wasting your fucking time writing to me when you could be quitting, for example? The whole thing makes no sense. We do what makes us feel good. It's the human condition. It we didn't act this way we would just be weird! You have to really size it up. Would you rather live 30 or so years or enjoy a smoke and a drink and live 20 or so years? It's all down to personal choice. I tried to quit many many times to no avail. If you are serious, I recommend this book: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Smoking-Permanently-Penguin-Health-Fitness/dp/0140244751


I await eagerly for your questions. But, do not expect a quick answer - I am most likely to answer at the weekend.

Cheers
Onker

The release of this game will be slightly postponed due to another kick ass game we are working on. Sorry if you were looking forward to it (that is why the trailer hasn't been released yet). But do not dismay, the game has had an overall and it just means it will be even better when we release it!

If this game turns out to be all it is built up to be, I will be bloody astounded and happy. Grim, you are one hell of a guy, I can totally relate to you man. Finally, some real kick-ass story-telling. I say that because not everyone is a storyteller (even if they think they are, well, they could be if they apply themselves!), but you have done a pretty damn good job. Well done. I love the dada thing.

Yeah man, I am really loving the look of this too! But you need to get rid of the lazy ass top and bottom black borders especially since you are using them for inventory and things. Otherwise you have done a fantastic job in my opinion, but we will see what the final product holds.

It's blurry and looks kinda shite?.. Did I win?

Some people are stupid, some are smart and some people are creative and smart. It's that simple.

The stupid ones hopefully get phased out. The smart one's who know they are smart, annoyingly so, get some backers but often don't reach the target (unless most of them ie 80% or so are their pals! (or just devout followers)).

Where-as the creative type is talented and a good salesman, often even a nice person (This helps)! That is what generates followers. And that is what should generate followers.

I don't see any point in going on one of these sites and actively looking for something to invest in while having a preconception/ prejudice about everything. Go in with an open mind and if something you think deserves "your credit" hits you, bam! You just know. It's kind of like being on Dragons Den. At least that is my opinion.

If people build up a following, said following will back them. Perhaps even 'mind-numbingly' so. But that is just the human condition. To quote a few cliches' at you:

"Safety in numbers!"

"It's not what you know, it's who you know!"

It's also about a friend/ community mentality. And the rest is history.

I really admire the effort you and the team put in to this - will there be a demo soon?

Also, if this is to be a commercial game, watch out for the copyright issues!

You actually get rick roll'd.

Really liking the look and story of this game thus far, very polished.

Best of luck, hope it works out successfully for you.

Looking forward to the release of this one. I know you've been working on it hard Slasher!

In hindsight, I think maybe I was a bit too hard on the guy (main char). He's a bit of alright, I don't think we could share a pint of lager, but still.

Whatever you do - don't make the game easy! I like a challenge, indeed. I just thought I should tell you that about the first puzzle. I think what most people expect, these days, expect a subtle introduction to a game and it's mechanics (Broken sword 2 aside ofcourse), before it really gets to the real nitty gritty. Especially when it the first game of, potentially, many. I hope many!

P.s - if you need more testers/typo nazis' I'd be glad to help!

Best of luck.

Hi SeamanNaranja,

Downloaded it, played it, completed the demo. I have to say I do see a lot of potential here, so congrats on the good job mate. I like your art style, as do I like your choice of music (even if it did get a bit nippy after a while), it provided a kind of calm ambience. Would like to see music for the intro screen too.

I have to say though, many times I felt like dragging the main character out of the screen, by the scruff, and giving him a good bitch slap... He is even more impatient than I am! What a prick! Haha, but hey, I guess that is the intention. He is a bit of a knob-end.

One thing that put me off a few times was, that while trying to beat the puzzles I found my self constantly reverting to try 'item a' with 'item b' and so forth. Just my opinion, but you would expect the first puzzle to be a little less arbitrary. That's just my opinion and hope I didn't offend you. Watch out for the typo's as well ie dont't.

I will definitely give the finished product a go.

Here is my entry, in the form of a poem. Before anyone asks, indeed, twas' influenced by the writings of the great Friedrich Schiller.

There once was this nice wee pumpkin
he heard a wee bit thumpin
it came from the kitchen
the thunder and lightenin' was bitchin

A knife from the drawer
a mother and her daughter
murdered the poor wee pumpkin
Or something.

If my poem doesn't win, but can inspire atleast one person, job done.

This one is pretty bad...

[on_click]

Cerno, you're making things overly complicated for yourself.

As Khris said, using a gui button's on_click to change the player view is so much simpler. I can not fathom why you would do it any other way tbh.

Code: AGS

function Button1_OnClick(GUIControl *control, MouseButton button)
{
player.ChangeView(VIEW1);
}

This works flawlessly. Obviously the 'Button1' and 'VIEW1' are subject to be different depending on what button or view you intend to use/ change to.

You either make as many buttons as you wish there to be view changes, or you decide that:

Code: AGS

function Button1_OnClick(GUIControl *control, MouseButton button)
{
if (player.View ==1){
player.ChangeView(VIEW2);
}
if (player.View ==2){
player.ChangeView(VIEW3);
}
if (player.View ==3){
player.ChangeView(VIEW1);
}
}

Or something similar.

If I missed a bracket, Khris will let you know! (Kidding Khris! )

The guy didn't even hesitate, he just stepped off into... nothing!  Very cool.

Yeah, but did you see him on his way up there? He was bricking it, man! It was a great accomplishment for him, that's for sure.

Although... Because Youtube is so fail, it kept buffering and crap which, to me, was a bit of an anti-climax. Sure we can go back and watch it without trouble, but I wanted a smooth stream. Was a bit disappointed.

The only attempt he didn't break was the free-fall record, which imo he pulled the cord of the parachute too early on purpose to leave the record for the other dude out of courtesy, tbh.

My only regret is that if anyone asks in the future, "What was it like watching it live???", I'll reply: "Bufferish".

Good though. 

Code: AGS

function Is_Cow_joke_told()
if (player == cCowjoke) Display("Laugh");
else cDon't_bother.SetAsPlayer();
}

This code would throw an error on line 3:  there is no circumstance where a cow joke would be told and the laughing would be conditional.

NERD EDIT: Er, and you forgot your opening bracket.  (*Baron makes FRINK NOISE*)

I think from here on in I won't be trying to look smart whilst intoxicated.

We should all learn a valuable lesson from this, folks.