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It's free, just show up there!

Price-wise, I'm more curious about rough price of hotels in the area for the duration, than entrance fee to the expo itself.  Is it in a hotel, with a VIP card having a room associated with it, or is it a separate convention center entirely?

As for the 'Live-stream branding'..  Do I have to promote something sensible, or could I have a 20 minute slot on the "Multitude of Benefits and Side Effects of Man-scaping"?  Could I try to Manchurian Candidate the viewers?  Do I have to bone up on neuro-linguistic programming before the seminar?

Can I exhibit my crotch?  How do I go about demonstrating it?  Are booth babes provided, or will I have to swing by Soho before hand?

I'm too lazy/drunk to use my eyes and/or Google.  How much would this cost a person to visit, roughly, not counting travel expenses?  I've been away from London for so long, that I could barely point it out on a map these days.

Also, would sponsoring mean I'd get a ticket, or would I be a sponsor who then had to buy a ticket?  I've no experience with crowd funding, so I'm not completely sure how it works.  Yes, even after all these years, I'm still an idiot.

Try hoofing up the contrast on the screen section at bit, and lowering the brightness.  The screen should be a much darker green to start with.  At the moment it's losing a lot of crispness as it's bright green on light green.

Style-wise, I'd say it's closer to SNES/GBA type RPGs (Harvest Moon, maybe?) than Sam and Max, which isn't a bad thing.  The simplified hair seems more appropriate to the style choice/rest of the body, but honestly, I'd personally go for the detailed hair and a body to match.  I realise the workload would increase exponentially, but I reckon it might be worth it in the long run, as it's a properly cute character.

Pick a base color per 'area' (ie, trousers), the color you'd see on a cloudy but dry spring/summer day or the color you'd see if you met him in a Wal-Mart store on a Wednesday  -  Something that doesn't rely on a specific light.  After that, pick a highlight color (what it will look like if you shined a torch at it from 3 foot away).  Pick another color, the dark, which would show if you were in a room with him and only had a lighter from across the room.  Build the palette from those three colors - this generally doesn't mean "standard" "increase" or "decrease" of values.  Grab colors from a reference photo, if need be.  It's only a standard value if you're greyscaling it from scratch.

The helmet has two problems.  Either 1. He's doing an EVA an he really close to a sun, and part way thru him turning his head the sun moves erratically, or 2: there's 3-4 suns who turn on and off.  Either way, the sun is too close.  The shot where he's looking to the right, the angle of light is from the right, but after he turn's his head, the reflection of the sun moves with his helmet.  I'd pick 1 specific point, and since his helmet "seems" round, I'd have the light hit it at the same point as his head turns.  (Angle wise, 75 degrees whilst looking right, and -15 degrees whilst looking at the camera, 300 looking left - OR mathemtically correct angles).  Either way, the highlight should be in the same place each time.  I'd also up the higlight dramatically, and have just 1/2 pixels pick out the angle of the sun, whilst the rest is shaded.  Almost white as a highlight would work, depending on palette.

For someone who seems like he's in space, it looks like he's currently surrounded by suns.  I'm guessing this wasn't the intention.  Unless it's based on the Bruce Wills movie, with lasers and meteors, which defies the rometest semblance of logic and literally anything is possible.

It might just be me, and I'm sorry if it is, but he seems like a toddler who is goose-stepping whilst constipated.  I think a little difference between his hips and his shoulders could make a huge difference.  For a right-forward/left-back leg pose, his shoulders should be the opposite.  Whilst the arms and the legs indicate that, perhaps a shadow on the pits/chest/etc could do the same, too.  Perhaps lift/lower one of the brace buttons at the furthest/nearest point, too.

Maybe even have his head one pixel to each side at the most extreme point, too (with it balanced over time, so not jerky).

EDIT:

I think a lot of this feeling is from how detailed the hair is compared to the rest of him.  His hair seems dithered, whilst the rest of him is relatively devoid of detail in comparison.  I like the hair, so I'd personally suggest detailing the body in the same way.  For a short term tester, basic-ing up the hair might make it pull together with far less work, allowing you to get the rest of the animations to a workable state faster.

I'm such a noob that I'm not sure what I'm looking at.  Are we to discuss the shape of the thing in general, or the lighting animation?  If the lines are supposed to be 'sparks', they seem awfully long; so  much so that it seems more like a neon sign.  How does it look in Bryce?  At first glance, I'd think the light needs toning down and spreading out a bit, or the animation speed needs increasing.

Andail's paintover looks more "realistic", but I'm not so sure that's the best way to go on this.  What's your original intent for the image, Progz?  Concept art or T-Shirt design, I'd be all for your choice of colors.  I'm also curious as to your progression depending on the intent.  If it was concept art, for example, I'd expect it was a case of blocking in one solid color then adding highlights.  If it was a specific coloring of a pre-designed sketch, I'd expect an entirely different approach from the beginning.

MOUXX is right about it being non-photorealistic, and moreover, if it's not meant to be very stylised, it lacks detail.  A lot of artists using tablets scruff up their canvas first, before actually painting on it.  A lot of concept artists 'texturise' the image part way, with dumping textures into the areas and then continuing to paint over them after, just to break up the plain white they started on.  They both used to remove the solid blocks of color, and both work really well as a shortcut.  I'd suggest trying both options (http://www.fengzhudesign.com/ has video examples that explain it better than I can, especially the one with the shuttles).

I'd also suggest aiming for 6400x4800+ on any beginning canvas.  The tablet picks up so much detail, I find it's better to go for a much higher res to start with a sketch than trying to upscale a low-res version.  Finding a relatively grungy brush, that's shaped how you'd prefer is a good method, too.  I've spent ages getting a canvas to "feel" right, and when it hasn't, the image has generally turned out as recycle-bin fodder.

My name is **** but you can call me by my online name, Sleepless Arcane.

Hello, Dave, Paul, John or Azri?

As for this game you used to play.  Can you give us any details about it?  There's a pretty decent chance one of us has played it (or possibly made it), so we should be able to identify it for you.

I'm pretty much a n00bie again these days.

As for where and how I've been, I moved away, fell hopelessly in love (don't ask), had four or five mental breakdowns, tried to kill myself a bunch of times and now I'm about 30 foot from where I was 5 years ago.  All in all, a complete waste of time, effort, money, other pseudo-currencies.

More importantly, Babe, (Babs? Bib? Elephantitus? John Hurt? Barbara Windsor? Hootie McBoob? Er.. What the hell did I use to call you?) how have you been?



I apparently joined -this- forum in 2002, and I was a non-member lurker on the ezBoard.  It's had a major overhaul since I was last here, with blue being replaced by, er..  speckled grey?  Over those 11+ years I've been around, I've achieved the sum total of absolutely bugger all.  It's gotten to the point now that I'm actually starting to take pride in my colossal ineptitude.  I'm slowly becoming the crazy uncle you keep locked in the attic, who's dragged out for dinner parties (with corks on the forks so I don't hurt myself).

Hello.

I'm not going to bother reading this whole thread, as to be honest, I can't be assed*.  This is the first time I've been back on this forum in a hell of a long time, and this was the first thread I came across.

If this was my kid, I would personally be offended.  You say yourself that you weren't around when it happened.  Do you have any real reason to bring it up, now?  I can understand it being referenced as part of something else, but to actually make a whole thread about it?  Imagine it was your kid, would you want someone bringing it up every year just 'so people remember'?  I'm sure as hell wouldn't.  Oh, guess what, the holocaust happened, people only reference that when it's appropriate, and even then when it's fitting.

Did you ever think that maybe the parents want to just move on?  If they've set up a charity, and actively promote it on certain occasions, by all means spread the word.  But nothing in your original post suggests that.  So, yea, go people who were in the Boer War.  No real reason, but what the hell, they had a sh*tty time, once upon a time.  They're all dead now, and even if they weren't they wouldn't be reading this, so they won't mind me mentioning them.  Boer War was a load of crap for those involved, so I can take the Pseudo-High Road you're on now.

I can understand you want to do your bit to 'make the world better', but seriously, bringing up past failures of humanity is NOT the way to do it.  It just gives more f*cktards a reason to fail on an epic scale, and you're just giving the dregs of humanity a reason to continue on their path.  People should be inspired to be better than they are, not given a reason to be worse. 

So, these kids might have seen a movie, so what? The parents weren't their to tell them it was a movie, and the things in it were wrong.  I'm sorry, but reminding people of this isn't going to help make the world a better place.  You're not raising money for a charity doing this, and it's not going to help the unfortunate kids in the future.

People, in general, are bastards who naturally enjoy hurting others (Don't try to tell me you've never laughed at another person's misfortune, as it's a natural defense mechanism in the body/subconscious).  They might not admit it, but I'm afraid most people revel in other's failures.  If they find some self-gratification in causing others pain, I'm sure they will.  All you've succeeded in doing is potentially making some folk who didn't know about this event have a 'back up excuse' prepared.  Hell, they won't even be prosecuted as adults.

I'm saying this as someone who's on the edge of going completely postal.  I was a nice person once, but honestly? F*ck it.  I've given up on humanity, if I can wipe out a crowd of people and face no 'real' retribution, and we had guns in this country, what is there to stop me?  I can just say TV made me do it.  Or failing that, I could say I read about some kids doing it and getting away with it.  You know where that Raoul Moat bloke went wrong?  He didn't bring enough ammo.

People shouldn't get excuses for being c*nts, from any medium.  This thread, to me, is just setting a precedent.  Kids can go out and do whatever the f*ck they want, because other kids have done the same in the past.  It involves absolutely nothing to actually solve the problem.  (Apologies to any other posts that tried to remedy this).

The worst thing for me, is people jumping on long past band wagons they have no reason to be on, just to make themselves feel like they're 'making a difference', without putting in the effort to ACTUALLY make a difference.  Don't get me wrong, I fully believe ONE person is capable of changing the entire world.  I just find it pathetic when people think a half-assed effort, in a limited area will make a difference.  Especially when that effort is to solely make them feel slightly better about themselves.  Let me ask you, how much did you give to charity this year?



* For those that know me, I've become a world class c*nt.  You may or may not see a thread about this in the future.

I'll hop on a bus, either daily or stop there a while, whichever's easiest.  I won't have to worry about things like "getting home drunk", as I quit drinking (again) last week.  I'll return to IRC in the next few days to organise stuffs more precisely.

I've no clue how the heck this happened..

Alcohol abuse?

I'm with monkey on the Grid alignment issue, too.  Perhaps you'd better with an altered grid, that has lines marked for wall placement, too.  For example:

Layabout, I can completely see the point of view you're promoting, and in any other situation, I'd likely suggest the same thing to another person.  Until her, I'd say that love was easily overcome with some time, a little patience, and if the situation arose, some lube.  But, you're also under the assumption that I'm a typical example of the human psyche.

I'm not psychic, I can't predict the future, and I've no crystal ball.  I know there's other women out there, and I'm sure if I met some of them, a small percentage might've been viable options at one point.  But, they won't be her.  I'll compare them to her, and they'll come up lacking.  I'm pushing 30, and she's not the only person in the world I've ever met.  She did have SUCH an impact on me, that EVERYONE in the world that I've ever met, before or after her, are entirely meaningless to me.  I'd choose her over even my own parents, without any hesitation whatsoever.  I actually love my parents, and I'd be hard pressed to find a mum and dad who were better.

It's very possible the reason you desire her so much is because you can't have her.

This comment throws me a little.  If it's in line with your general theme, then it's false.  The opportunity kind of arose, and I didn't take it, as it was agreed that we'd not do anything that she regretted.  If it's long-term not having, then again, I reassured her that the marriage was the best thing for her.  You can't imagine how my actions in that respect hurt me in retrospect.

'Cheated' on him?  That could be interpreted differently, dependent on situation, be it 'affair' or 'having second thoughts'.  Though, if I was the one with her, and she 'cheated' on me by any definition, I can honestly say now that I would completely forgive her, and assume it was because of something I'd done wrong.  Regardless of situation, I'd trust her implicitly.

Take what pride you have left..

Which would be what, exactly?  I've been heading downhill for years, spirally faster and faster out of control, and the majority of the people on here have had no knowledge of that.  It's not something I'd really like to go into detail with at this time, but without her, my life is pretty much pointless.  I'm not an Emo, or a similar attention seeking angst-ridden teen stereotype, so I don't really discuss it, but chances are, without her, I'd have either killed myself, or tried to lobotomise myself.  (I'd prefer it that was the last that was said on that particular issue for now, as it's something that would require a thread of it's own - which won't happen anytime soon, don't worry).

You suggest getting away, and cutting contact.  I've thought about that a lot.  I'm not wearing blinkers, and I can see why is a valid suggestion in the majority of situations, but for me, personally, it's just not an option.

If either of us had a thousand pounds, I'd take that bet.  I'd likely not be around to cash in, though.  ..Maybe you could pay her.



Monkey, I can see where you're going with the Shakespeare thing, despite how much it hurts, I don't think I prefer life without her.  It's agony, but it's better than it was before I met her.  Life was empty in comparison.  Yet, at the same time 'Ignorance is bliss' is just as true a statement as Bill's efforts.  I really can't say if I'd prefer life now or before, as my view's biased.  I just hope that everyone else gets to skip the 'lost' bit.



Jet, I know my words might not have been the best choice.  She's probably not 'perfect' to anyone else, but to me, she is.  It's not so much putting her on a pedestal, it's just the best way I could describe her.  She has her faults, but I love her regardless of them.  Hell, some of them are endearing to me.

You're right, I did miss the boat (I pretty much sank it), and it's one of the very rare things I think I actually regret.  I know I'm not a knight in shining armor, far from it, but suddenly changing who I am isn't something that's easy.  I've been a dick in the past, and it took me a long time to change (I'd like to think for the better) and it's not something I really want to be again.  Despite the situation, I feel happier with myself as a person now, than I used to.

I've met other girls, since her.  I'd consider some of them to even be friends (and I'm not really into classing simple acquantainces as friends).  So it's not like I've met her, and then completely shut down to the rest of the world.  If anything, I've probably socialised more since  falling for her than I've done in years.  Which makes me so certain that 'getting over her' is so unlikely.

I'm reading "typically predictable answers" as "common sense advice," so maybe you'll ignore what I have to say.

I'm thinking 'typically predictable answers' as more the generic answers people who've not experienced something similar would give.  The type you'd find in an agony aunt column, that have likely been re-used for various situations.  It's kind of common sense, yes, but since when was love a logical, by-the-book thing?

You say philospher's say love is centered around willing the best for a person.  I've said that the only thing I want more than her, is for her to be happy, so isn't that love?  I can't find a better definition of the feeling.  Philosophy isn't so reliable a source of anything to me, though, as so many of the philosophies contradict each other, and they're all just theories in the end.  But, if it's not love, what is it?

The vows issue.  I'm not going into details, but something happened in the past, that means she takes promises VERY seriously, and a vow is a promise.  Due to her upbringing (and other factors), she has a sort of 'ambition' (can't think of a better word) to be a good wife (and eventually a good mother).  If she was my wife, I wouldn't be able to fault her.  She goes out of her way to make sure he's content, and it pains me that he takes her for granted at times.

It's true, I'm kind of jealous of him.  Who wouldn't be in this situation?  I've done a surprisingly effective job of hiding it, though, as she's completely unaware how much it hurts at times.  It's getting harder and harder as time moves on, and the whole possible moving situation advanced it to the stage where I felt I needed outside help.

I know she can make her own decisions, and yes, she married HIM, but I did reassure her when she was having doubts before the wedding (forethought has never been my forté*).  Yet, whilst he's not a cruel husband and she's not a damsel in distress, the marriage isn't necessarily perfect.  I don't really want to criticise him in anyway, as I don't feel it's my place to do so.  Maybe I'm holding out some misguided, subconcious hope that it'll fail, and I'll get a one day get a chance, but conciously, I doubt such a thing will happen.

You say you'd do anything for her, but really, what have you done for her lately besides pine?

It's not exactly like I can do the standard romantic gestures, like flowers and chocolates, but I do a lot more for her than just pining.  I'm not going to say 'I did this' or 'I bought that' as no matter what I did for her, it never feels like enough, but I actually do quite a lot for her (if I'm honest and/or selfish, perhaps more than the husband).  I don't do things in a bid to win or buy her love, I do things as I want her to be happier.  Just today, she said something along the lines of 'See?  This is why you can't move away, without you I'd..'  (I'm not going into details as they're personal, but without me, she'd be worse off than now).



*(Who knows, if I'd have been a dick and tried to steal her away from him when I had the chance, she might never have fallen for me, and this whole thing could be a different kind of mess).

Of course there's the problem of parallel societies where immigrants live only with themselves.

They'll naturally head this way, though.  You get concentrated areas of one type of immigrant, it's been happening for years.  The various Chinatowns, for example.  You can't expect people to distribute themselves evenly across the land, they'll generally go to where they fit in faster, and they'll stay there.  Even in London, which is multi-cultural, there's areas that are more specific to a certain background.  Southall for Sikhs, I think, Brixton is mostly black, Edgware Road for Middle Easterns, Chinatown for the Chinese, the racists are mostly East London, especially heading towards Essex.

But, those communities will continue to seperate, and they'll want to get their way.  I completely missed the whole British Sharia thing that RickJ linked, as I was netless/TVless at the time, and it wasn't heavily publicised.  Personally, I'm disgusted by it.  British laws aren't good enough for them?  Emigrate, then.  Don't impose another country's customs onto a place you're technically a guest in.  For the people born here who want the same laws, you're free to leave to find somewhere better.  Just because you want a law change, doesn't mean that the rest of a nation does.

Sharia law is also sexiest, so by accepting it, we're slowly undoing all the rights women fought for years for.  And where does it end?  The clothes Muslim women wear might be optional now, but what if in the future it becomes imposed for those women?  What if they then start demanding that all women dress that way?  If we cave into some of their demands, where do we draw the line?  When we eventually draw a line, they'll just claim it's religious persecution, and we'll side with politcal correctness.

They're also moving towards smaller criminal cases.  So, sure an small Muslim vs. Muslim is settled out of court, within the community.  Who decides how much authority they have?  If it was a Muslim vs. Muslim murder trial, would we eventually let them run that too?  How long before they equal or higher than the proper courts?

Now that Sharia law has it's foot in the door, and some Somali community also had the same sort of thing (from the above links), where it was based on their culture, not religion, how long before every immigrant community demands that they police themselves?  What if a certain community believes in the death penalty?  Who decides which community should be in charge, in a case that covered two law types? (eg. The Muslims vs. the Somalis).  Sure, these sorts of questions might be unlikely, worst case scenarios now, but that doesn't rule them out as possible events in the future.

Immigration is such a grey area, and there needs to be some sort of long term planning and debating encompassing everything it affects.  I'm not saying close the borders, I'm not saying take no one in.  I'm saying that it affects so much, most people think in the here and now, and don't look far enough into the future.  It's all well and good basing it on whether they have a right to live wherever they want, but think how that might affect future generations.

I'm an atheist and don't care much about religion as long as it's a people's "hobby", I mean, as long as it stays out of courts, schools and any official institutions.

In Britain, Christianity is already in courts, schools and official institutions.  It has been for centuries.  Religion will always be a large part of society, and taking on immigrants often makes groups of seperate societies, which I can only see as a bad thing.  That's not integration, that's just well hidden, long-term segregation.

It's nice in a bad way to see that LGM and Monkey understand what I'm going thru, I'm so sorry that you're in similar situations, but I'm also kind of glad that I'm not the only one.  I realise that's a bit of a selfish sentiment, and for that I apologise.  I guess I needed reassurance it wasn't just me.

A) Give her up and move on.
B) Tell her how things are and risk everything.
C) Continue on with the way things are.

Progz, you're right, I'm in put myself in this no-win/catch-22 situation, and it's not something I'm too pleased about.  However, option A isn't something I'm not willing to try, it's something I've been trying to do, and failing hopelessly at.  I've tried getting over her, and I physically can't.

Telling her isn't completely ruled out, as I'm sure I'm going to have to tell her something at some point, but there's factors that I don't really want to explain, as they're personal to her.  In  short, she's under a lot of stress, she's been thru a lot in her life, and she always puts other people's needs before her own.  If I just told her everything, she'd suffer because of it, and the last thing I want to do is hurt her.

She knew how much I loved her, when it was discussed the last time, about six months ago (not just a 'friend zone' thing, there were no wrong impressions).  This is also how I know she had feelings for me.  But, it was sort of pseudo-agreed that we'd try to leave those feelings alone, for the sake of her marriage.  She didn't know at the time how much it hurt me, though.  Maybe if I'd told her back then, things would be different now.  I was still hoping and assuming I'd be able to get over her back then.

Option C is what I AM doing, I just need help with finding a way to make it easier.  Regardless of the unrequited love issue, I'm still her best friend, and she needs me (See above; stress).  If we ever parted as friends, I'm honestly not sure how she'd manage.  She's far stronger than I am, but she's got so many more things to deal with.

It's partly a problem of me coming up with new, realistic options.  It's weighing so heavily on my mind, that I'm starting to thinking it's impairing my judgement, hence the need to ask advice.



It's probably just cowardice on my part, but several of you have suggested 'just risking it', or words to that effect.  I can't begin to tell you how much I want to do that, but is it too much of a risk?  What happens if I tell her, and lose her as a friend?  I honestly think that would push me over the edge.  Despite the pain I'm in, she still makes me happy on the occassions I see just her.

talk it out with her or maybe even both of them
threesome...not the "good" threesome

This isn't something that's even on the back-burner.  He's quite possessive, insecure, jealous, etc.  I'm pretty much the only male friend she has now, as she ditched the others to appease him (as she puts his feelings before her own).  He's actually under the assumption that I'm gay, and with that, he's accepted me as her friend.  He's also a bit of a homophobe, which makes this seem like it's turning into the plot of a sitcom.

Layabout, I wish I could be as nonchalant about love as you, but it's just not in my nature.  I'd assume you've never met someone who has this kind of effect on you, and I'm not sure whether to hope you do or not.  If you did, and it worked out, then you'd be happy, but if you did and it went south?  I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone.



Finally, InCreator.  I wish I had the words, but I don't even know where to start.  I'm so sorry you had to go thru that, and all I can do is wish you the best.

Guys, I've got a kind of problem and I'm at the point where I'm willing to consider your various advices.  It's not something that's going to be easily fixed, and chances are if you lot suggest the typically predictable answers or solutions, I'm going to ignore them.  I'll list the things you needn't bother replying with later, with reasons, but for now, let's get the problem on the table so you can start dissecting it.

I'm in love.  Usually a good and dandy thing, but sadly, not for me.  You see, it's not a nice loving relationship that we all want, whether we believe it or not.  It's the classic cause of poetry, unrequited love.  For those that don't know what it is, and to clarify to those that do, it's where I'm in love with someone, but I'll never be with them.

A while ago, I met someone.  We hit it off immediately, and right now, we're best friends.  We love each other, and we'd hate to lose each other.  We'd have been together if it weren't for one small detail.  I met her when she was already in a relationship, and I helped her plan her wedding.  I was still in the early stages of the love at the time, so I thought 'It's just a crush' or similar teen magazine way of saying it.  But it was more than a crush.  She had feelings for me, too, both pre- and post-wedding.  If it hadn't been for the husband, I'm pretty sure we'd have got together romantically, and most likely married, too.

She's perfect.  It might be my biased view, and that she's only perfect in my eyes, but nevertheless, I adore her.  She's the only person in the entire world that I've actually really cared about.  As far as I'm concerned, she IS my world.  I'd do anything for her, all she has to do is ask.  I honestly don't think I'd be able to cope without her.

The thing is, the only thing I want in the world more than her, is for her to be happy.  At the time of the wedding, I believed marrying the other guy would be the best thing for her.  From what I knew of him, he was a good catch and he loves her, and she loves him.  During the build up to the wedding, she'd have doubts and second thoughts and the usual, and I was the one reassuring her she was making the right decision.  There's a part of me now that wishes I hadn't, but the past is the past, and hindsight's always 20-20.

By the time that she got married, I was fully in love with her, and even then, she loved me, and was having second thoughts.  Again, I told her marrying him was the best course of action, even on the morning of the wedding.  So, yea, as you can see, this is partly a problem caused by my lack of forethought.

Wedding day comes, and whilst I'm glad that she's having the best day of her life, I'm also dying a little inside.  I can pretty much pinpoint the moment my heart broke, for the first time.  But, she's my best friend, and I tell myself that I'll get over it soon enough.

Fast-forward a couple of months, and I'm now living 4 doors away from her, seeing her everyday, and I find out she's still got feelings for me.  But, we both take promises very seriously, and she's made a vow to the husband.  I don't want her to break a vow, and the last thing I want is to jeopardise her marriage.  She might've been considering a different path, but again I talked her out of making a hasty decision.  Again, hindsight.

And now, six or seven months later, and I'm still living near her.  She's still married.  Though, nothing's been mentioned feeling-wise for what seems like forever.  She doesn't want to lose me as a friend, as I really am her best friend, and she really does love me, and dreads the thought of losing me.  Of this, I'm certain, but as for possible romantic interest? I only know my side of the situation.

My side is that my heart's been breaking over and over since the day of the wedding, getting worse and worse, day by day.  I'm happy whenever I see her, and I'm a friend of her husband, but if I see them as a couple, it's agony.  Since time's moved on, I see them more as a pair than I used to see her alone.  It's getting harder and harder to deal with.

I can't begin to explain just how much I love her, and I'm still completely IN love with her.  She's all I think about, day in and day out, 24/7.  If I ever lost her, even as a friend, I honestly don't think I'd be able to go on.  I'm sure most of you won't understand, but to the few that do, I hope you're actually with the person you feel this way about.

Whilst I love her, everytime I see them to together, it's like the worst pain you could imagine, and I see them a lot.  It's eating away at me, and I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown.  Chances are, I'm either going to lose it mentally, or I'm going to do something stupid.

Due to money issues, and various other factors, she's recently suggested that instead of us (the three of us) renting two small houses, we could move into one much larger house.  That set off alarm bells in my head and my heart, and I've been a mess since (about a week ago).  I don't think I could do it.

I can accept that she'll never leave him, and I would never ask her to.  In fact, if she suggested it, I'd likely end up talking her out of it.  I can accept the fact that I'm going to die alone, as there's no one I've met before or after her that has come anywhere near in comparison.  I'm not going to get over her, I know that for sure.  I've even dealt with the daily pain, until recently.  It's got harder and harder, but I've managed it, and I've hidden how much it hurts me from her.  But living under the same roof as the cause of the pain is just too much to bear.

She knows that I'm having some kind of mental thing going on, preventing me from agreeing to the move instantly, but she'll want a definite yes or no on the situation pretty quickly.  She thinks it's that I'm freaking out about living with other people in general, and she knows I'm having trouble with coping in general, so she's suggested that I see the doctor about it.  Possibly for anti-depressants or anti-anxiety pills, or something like that.  Whilst they might take the edge off things, they're not going to do a damn thing about the root of the problem, so I'm wary of the idea.

And so on to the problem.  What the hell do I do now?  Where do I go from here?  I'm at a loss, and sleep deprevation's not aiding my thought process one bit.  I'm getting to the point where reality is going sort of wonky, and I'm quite frankly sick of crying myself to sleep.



Things that aren't options:

Running away.
I've thought about this, a lot, and I can't live without her.  There's no point running away, as it would both hurt her and leave me so empty inside I might as well be dead.

Suicide.
She'd never forgive me if I tried it, and I'm terrified that not only might I fail, but also that there's afterlife.

Telling her.
Regardless of her feelings towards me, it'd stress her out if she knew how I felt, and she has enough things to worry about, without me adding to the list.  If she doesn't feel the same, she'd hate me for trying to come between the marriage*.  If she did feel the same, she made a vow that she'll keep, so it'll mean we're both trapped.
*(I promised her I'd never do anything to come between them, and telling her would in effect break that promise).

Getting over her.
This isn't going to happen, I'm sorry.  I love her more now than I ever did, and there's genuinely no one in the world that could compare to her.  You might think that I'm being naive, but I can only tell you that I will only love her, and hope you can fathom that.

Sabotaging their relationship.
Whether it be dropping hints, out-right lying, or even killing the husband, it's not going to happen.  Breaks the 'don't come between us' promise mentioned above.

Binge Drinking/substance abuse.
I'm already an alcholic, and she's pretty much saved me from myself once.  I'm not going to screw that up, she'd hate me.  I'll admit, in the last week or two, I've had more alcohol than the rest of the year combined, but I've not been drunk.  It's more to help me try to get some sleep.

Any daft ideas.
Like time-travelling back, and meeting her first.  If you going to suggest something like this, then make sure you have a working time-machine, and not just a toaster, a couple of lightbulbs and some foil.  If it works, fine.  If not, please don't bother.



I really am starting to lose the plot, guys.  So if you've got any suggestions, theories, whatever, I'd love to hear them.  If you've any ideas on or experiences with broken hearts, unrequited love and anti-depressants, then please share them.  I'm literally at breaking point, here.



(Apologies for the length of the post, I tried to keep to the basics as much as possible, but I could've written a thousand times that on just how much I adore her, and the same again on how much it hurts).

Eskimo.

I remember my half-Spanish friend mentioning the Muslims in one of the cities in Spain a few years back.  They came in, en masse, and pretty much sectioned off streets to live on, tramp-style.  A couple of months later, they were demanding a mosque be built for them, and that laws were changed to accomodate their religious beliefs.  I think, in fact I hope, the Spanish officials told them were to shove it.

They and the other Sharia law types left countries behind, why do they suddenly think they can change the laws of wherever they decide to live?  Are the laws and cultures of their new homes not good enough for them?  If not, why did they bother going there?

If I was homeless, and someone gave me a bed for the night, I wouldn't then demand they change the wallpaper.  I don't see what right these types of immigrants think they have.  If you emigrate to another country, it's only right to accept their customs, and live by their laws, and not try to make it into a copy of the country you left behind.  If they feel that strongly about their cultures, maybe their time would be better spent improving their own country, not just for them, but for future generations, too.

Maybe moving to a new place is actually the easy way out, and they're laziest of their folk.  That doesn't say much for the natives that won't work, though.