Insult Swordfighting: Difference between revisions

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===The Secret of Monkey Island===
===The Secret of Monkey Island===
'''Pirates'''
* '''Pirates'''
; My handkerchief will wipe up your blood
; My handkerchief will wipe up your blood
: So you got that job as janitor, after all.
: So you got that job as janitor, after all.
Line 54: Line 54:
: How appropriate. You fight like a cow
: How appropriate. You fight like a cow


'''Swordmaster'''
* '''Swordmaster'''
; My name is feared in every dirty corner of this island!
; My name is feared in every dirty corner of this island!
: So you got that job as janitor, after all.
: So you got that job as janitor, after all.
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===The Curse of Monkey Island===
===The Curse of Monkey Island===
(To be added by myself.)
* '''Pirates'''
; Every enemy I've met I've annihilated!
: With your breath, I'm sure they all suffocated.
; You're as repulsive as a monkey in a negligee.
: I look THAT much like your fiancée?
; Would you like to be buried or cremated?
: With you around, I'd prefer to be fumigated.
; Heaven preserve me! You look like something that's died!
: The only way you'll be preserved is in formaldehyde.
; I'll skewer you, like a sow at a buffet.
: When I'm done with YOU, you'll be a boneless fillet!
; Killing you would be justifiable homicide.
: Then killing you must be justifiable fungicide.
; En garde! Touché!
: Oh, that is so cliché!
; Throughout the Caribbean my great deeds are celebrated!
: Too bad they're all fabricated.
; When your father first saw you, he must have been mortified.
: At least mine can be identified.
; You can't match my witty repartee.
: I could, if you would use some breath spray.
; I can't rest until you've been exterminated!
: Then perhaps you should switch to decaffeinated.
; You're the ugliest monster ever created.
: If you don't count all the ones you've dated.
; I'll leave you devastated, mutilated and perforated.
: Your odor alone makes me aggravated, agitated, and infuriated!
; Coming face to face with me must leave you petrified.
: Is that your face? I thought it was your backside!
; I'll hound you night and day!
: Then be a good dog. Sit! Stay!
 
* '''Rottingham'''
; Your stench would make an outhouse cleaner irritated!
: Then perhaps you should switch to decaffeinated.
; When I'm done, your body will be rotted and putrefied!
: Then killing you must be justifiable fungicide.
; Your lips look as they belong on the catch of the day!
: When I'm done with YOU, you'll be a boneless fillet!
; You're a disgrace to your species, you're so undignified!
: At least mine can be identified.
; Your looks would make pigs nauseated.
: If you don't count all the ones you've dated.
; My attacks have left entire islands depopulated!
: With your breath, I'm sure they all suffocated.
; You have the sex appeal of a Shar-Pei.
: I look THAT much like your fiancée?
; My skills with a sword are highly venerated.
: Too bad they're all fabricated.
; You'll find I'm dogged and relentless to my prey!
: Then be a good dog. Sit! Stay!
; can't tell which of my traits has you the most intimidated.
: Your odor alone makes me aggravated, agitated, and infuriated!
; I give you a choice. You can be gutted, or decapitated!
: With you around, I'd prefer to be fumigated.
; Nothing can stop me from blowing you away!
: I could, if you would use some breath spray.
; I have never lost a mêlée!
: You would have, but you were always running away.
; Never before have I faced someone so sissified.
: Is that your face? I thought it was your backside!
; Nothing on this earth can save your sorry hide!
: The only way you'll be preserved is in formaldehyde.
; Your mother wears a toupee!
: Oh, that is so cliché!


===Escape From Monkey Island===
===Escape From Monkey Island===
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