What do you make of internet relationships?

[Kinoko]

...apart from me ^_^ I was 14 when I met my boyfriend online and moved in him with at 17/18. Now 22.

Well, the part that worked out is that you moved in with him. What if you hadn't moved in with him and still kept a long distance thing until today? Did you guys live pretty close to each other...?

Well, OBVIOUSLY That goes for any relationship. If you don't eventually start making a life together, it's gonna fizzle out. We kept the internet relationship going for a number of years though, it wasn't as though we met online and then in real life several months later. I didn't meet him in person until I was... a couple of months off being 17.

I am with CJ though, I'm still totally skeptical of internet relationships. I like to give my own example in the argument just to counter the people who say it can never work, but at the same time I still believe it's a very risky was of meeting people. People DO lie a lot on the computer. I think for intelligent people with good senses though, as long as you play it safe and talk to said person for a long time before meeting, it can be fine. There ARE a lot of decent people on the net too.

Another thing that helped my case is that I was also online friends with all of his friends. We all "hung out" online together so I got to talk a LOT to all the people he'd grown up with and the people who knew him in real life, and they were all fantastic people too. I got a really good feel for his life, which is important. I wasn't just relying on what he told me. Thankfully, he's one of the most honest and wonderful people you could ever meet, which showed through to me over the years and is the reason it worked out. As time went on, we talked more and more and just became a part of each others every day lives. We also wrote and talked on the phone a lot eventually, which I also think is important.

I really think time is important. A lot of people want to rush into relationships because you start making the person you're talking to better than they may really be in your head and you imagine this great relationship that might start... you want to get into it right away. Time, time, time... wait until you've known this person for a really long time.

[Meowster]

Maybe this'll work out for you, and I'll be wrong. But probably if you want to meet somebody online, you should try meeting up with people you already know rather than develop a relationship with a stranger online. You already know you get on with all these people, and that you have stuff in common and you like. Then all you have to sort out is who you have a spark with, and then worry about developing a single spark. Something like Gilbertfest, you know? Everybody had a lot in common that day, and two people were bound to have that spark there. Although nobody expected it coming from Iqu and Chris, admittedly...

That seems a lot more sensible than finding one person you have something in common with then going all out of your way to see is there a spark. I mean, quite besides being a painstaking process of elimination, meeting a bunch of people you have known online is scary enough, but meeting a single person you've developed a personal relationship with over time online must be terrifying. I'd also find it rather creepy.

Does this make sense, because I can re-explain it tomorrow morning after I get sleep.

[stuh505]

I'm not too sure if I agree with that. We've talked about dislikes, things that irritate him, characteristics in people that really piss him off. I certainly take that very seriously and don't filter it at all. If anything, I probably place a slightly stronger emphasis on the bad than the good. And I think most people do the same. Of course, if the other person lies flat out to you, then your perception is jilted, but that's through no fault of your own.

I'm also very wary about these people turning out to be nothing like who they say they are. I've heard all too many stories about how 16/f/cali turned into 50/m/zambia. I think a level of skepticism is healthy, but at the same time, you do need to be open to the fact that not everyone is like that. We've exchanged plenty of photos of each other, so unless he's using his son's pics or something like that... And we've chatted on the phone, and he certainly doesn't sound like a grandfather. So, for now, I'm willing to assume he's telling the truth. We're thinking about meeting up soon-ish. I guess I will finally know for sure then...

Those stories about people lying about who they are...are really just a load of junk.  Sure, it happens, but if you really talk to someone for a long time, and start to actually get to know each other, perhaps feel that you knwo them better than their freinds at home, you've seen pictures of him, you know his family, etc...you can pretty well bet he's not some crazy guy.

That you talked about likes and dislikes is a good thing that you'll remember...but have you ever become annoyed at him, and just shrugged it off later?  That's easy to do online.  But in real life, that can be totally different.

You could both be completely open with each other, or try to be, but your minds are still going to be telling him your life through your eyes...which is not the same as your life through other peoples eyes, and you may empathize and like him for who he is when you hear about his life from his side, but then perhaps when you get to know him in real life that may all go out the window!

[Peter Thomas]

Does this make sense, because I can re-explain it tomorrow morning after I get sleep.

Yuf, it makes perfect sense, but I'd love to hear you elaborate anyway

And yes, I already have been through my friends looking for that 'spark'. Trust me, it's not there Anyone who knows me could testify that I try every single easy route (no matter how insane) before I even look at the tough one. What I meant by saying some friends had 'boyfriend' qualities, was that they are loyal, honest, caring, easy to talk to, easy to confide in etc etc. But there wasn't the "x factor" (damn simon cowell for creating a show with that name. damn him!). Those qualities are great, for sure, but they don't automatically make you suitable partner material.

I guess there is some sense of irony in-as-much-as I myself am also extremely skeptical of internet relationships (hence the question in the first place), and were one my friends in this situation, I'd be telling him/her to be cautious and not to assume or expect too much. Fortunately, I have the ability to ignore my own advice.

I just ate the most huge bowl of mashed potato. I am now going to go vomit...

[Barbarian]

Well, I'll try to be brief... but, I've been an avid computer user for many years (harking back to the BBS days and when "Internet" as we know it today was still in it's infancy, was text-based only in which all commands had to be typed, and ya almost had to be like a programmer to understand how to use it).

Anyways, over the years, I've "met" many wonderful people online, and some having the oppertunity to meet in person, and, overall I've made some great friends through the internet.Ã,  Ã, 

As far as "internet relationships", well, some turn out to be big-time losers, but on the other hand, some turn out to great.Ã,  In my experience I found it's better to take your time to slowly get to know that person, let the friendship/relationship grow, really get to know that person and if they seem to really "click" with you,Ã,  rather than "rushing" into anything.

Like a lot of frienships and/or relationships in life, sometimes to find "that right one" or someone compatible with you, that you need to take a bit of a risk sometimes. Of course, try to be smart about it, be cautious, get to know them well, build up a feeling of mutual trust and respect, and take your time.

Best wishes.

[Kinoko]

I just ate the most huge bowl of mashed potato. I am now going to go vomit...

I've been there, man.

[BerserkerTails]

Well, my quick two-cents. One of my friend's cousins came to visit last summer, and the two of us hit it off, though we were much to shy to admit it. After she left, we really started talking about our feelings for each other online. We got to the point where we were in love with each other.

Currently, we're still very much in love. She just came to visit last month (The first time I had seen her since last summer), and I'm going to visit her in July. Eventually next year, we'll be moving in together, and starting what'll hopefully be a wonderful life together.

So, I don't know. Sometimes the whole internet relationship thing works, sometimes it doesn't. I personally would be creeped out having an intimate relationship with someone I hadn't met in real life before, but that's just me.

[Nine Toes]

Internet relationships are a waste of time.  As Forrest Gump once said, "Internet relationships are like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get".

I tried it a few times, and I always got those damned coconut filled ones that I hate so much.

[Kinoko]

I love the coconut ones!

[Nine Toes]

  There's nothing coco-ey or nuttey about them.  They're vile!

...Yep... sweet on the outside, coconut on the inside.  Very much a trojan horse, it is.

[Peter Thomas]

I personally would be creeped out having an intimate relationship with someone I hadn't met in real life before, but that's just me.

Absolutely. If this guy even tries telling me he "can't get me out of his head" or "he's obsessed with me", then he's out on the curb. Hm. Well, maybe not. I guess it would be flattering, and I'd keep him 'round just to hear more of it, but it would definitely disfigure what I think of him now. I do think about him, but only in the sense of "I hope he's free to chat tonight", not "I hope he's free to make my night". Well , at least at this stage anyway. I guess once I really really got to know him that would change, but then I'm not too sure if you really DO get to know a person if you haven't met them in real life.

I've been there, man.

Oh, and I'd do it again, I swear. I realised today I make the best damn mash I have ever eaten. Ever. Although I think I am now 90% cholesterol...

[xenogia]

I have met up with several people over the net in years, most of them for me ended up in just sort of one-off sex encounters.  On an occassion I did meet someone decent and it went for a while (2 - 3 months), but then I gave up it never really worked in the end.

Lately I met my currently girlfriend through a friend I met off the internet which is quite odd.  And I am currently enjoying the fruition of my current relationship which has been my strongest in a long time

[Meowster]

Once off sex encounters!??

That's nice.

Okay, to elaborate since I had sleep:

You're going to have far better results by coming to mittens and meeting up with a bunch of people you already know you like, than you are meeting up with one person at a time to see if you get on with them.

[Helm]

once I met up with a group of people I knew from the internets, and one girl from the group had shown me pictures of herself and I thought she was cute. When she showed up she was huge. Extremely radically to the max fat, humongous, unfathomably gigantic. It amazed me that, looking at the pictures, you really couldn't tell. We are now on our third year, happily married and have two, or maybe three kids

[Pumaman]

You're going to have far better results by coming to mittens and meeting up with a bunch of people you already know you like, than you are meeting up with one person at a time to see if you get on with them.

I thought that was just something special between me and eric, I didn't realise mittens was *supposed* to be a dating service.

EDIT:
But seriously, you're right. I much prefer the group-of-friends meet to the one-on-one date, it's so much less awkward and more relaxed.

[Hollowman]

It is risky getting involved with people you meet online but it can work. I met my wife of two years online. I lived in England and she lived in Scotland, so there was quite a bit of distance involved. I eventually got up the nerve to go and see her and it went from there.

As I say, we've been married two years now and she is pregnant with our first child due in September.

So, yes, it can work

[Paper Carnival]

It can work out, I know cases where it has. But yeah..
http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=2377

[AGA]

I thought that was just something special between me and eric, I didn't realise mittens was *supposed* to be a dating service.

Oh come off it, Chris. You've been with a different man at every AGS meeting so far.

Although I was underage the first time we met. PEDERAST!

[Kinoko]

It can work out, I know cases where it has. But yeah..
http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=2377

I really started cracking up when the pig hat came out.

[Nine Toes]

If this guy even tries telling me he "can't get me out of his head" or "he's obsessed with me", then he's out on the curb.

Hmmm... If anybody told me they loved me five minutes after meeting me... yeah, I'd walk away too.  Never fall for that trick, my friend.  It's as old as post-dating a check.

You're going to have far better results by coming to mittens and meeting up with a bunch of people you already know you like...

Unless, of course, I come...