Don't you hate email scams? [edit]

lo_res_man · Wed 08/03/2006 20:42:48

Hi there,
just a question, don't you hate those e-mails, were the beg you to take there money?You know some quy, or girl somewere needs his money transfered and is willing to give you some. Not that I would in a million years believe them, its just that that I can't help but think of those poor saps who do. Now I have a way to fight back, when ever I get one such e-mail, I send them this,

Blessings my child,

I am brother Adenoid, of the Blessed Church of the
Peeled Tuber,
We believe, as God as our witness, that Our Holy
Father, was trapped by George W. Bush, son of Satan,
in 666,666,666,666,666,666 tubers. We must peel the
tubers to release God, so he can continue His Great
Work, and Avenge Himself, For we believe, that when we
are finished this Great Task, God will Smite the Earth
with war, and purge all peoples from the World. All
that is but his faithful servants, us. We have learned
this from the Great Speakings of The Toothless Wonder.
For in His Tubered State, God can only speak through
The rumblings the lower intestine, so at our shrine,
we all bear our holy buttocks, in hope God Will
Speak.
I would be happy to help, but alas individuals may not
hold bank accounts, for they are all controlled by the
son-of-Satan, George W. Bush. However, Elder Sphincter
holds one in common for the church, only he may brave
these waters of iniquity. He however may not acess
e-mail, for he must remain in a state of purity,
otherwise he forfeits the bank account.

Yours Truly,
Brother Adenoid, of the Blessed Church of the Peeled
Tuber.

P.S. we have 666,666,666,666,548,231 tubers left to
peel, do you have any recipes to share?

and if they e-mail back...
> Greetings Son-of Satan.
I will not aid you in your foul attempt for world
domination, a thousand curses on your head, may the pox
and the plague assail you! by shredding this mail and
feeding the bits into clay figure, I have made a doll
of voodoo rites. If you e-mail me again, I shall be
forced to take measures to eliminate you. May
He-who-is-trapped-in-tubers give me the strength to
defeat you, son-of-Satan!
DEATH TO ALL DEMONS!

Brother Adenoid

kind of silly, but it gives me a mote of satisfaction

[edit]
anyone is free to use this if they want too

Tuomas · Wed 08/03/2006 21:10:07

One thing... if George W. Bush is Son-of-Satan, then why didn't his father kill the world and religion while he was president? Surely Satan wouldn't leave it at that...

And sorry to tell you, they won't e-mail back at you after that. But it'd be fun. I remember many times that a prince from any African country in civil war needed to use my bank account to save his money now that his father was killed and he had to escape etc... I of course gave him my bank account number and my phone number and all. He then in few months appeared at my door with 5 virgins he wanted to give me, and when I took them he also gave me shitloads of money money money... yay

lo_res_man · Wed 08/03/2006 21:13:24

I did once get an email back and I sent him it, no reply since

BOYD1981 · Wed 08/03/2006 21:34:16

it's usually best not to reply to those kind of emails, if they get a response they know that email address is active.

lo_res_man · Wed 08/03/2006 21:41:47

Ya, I know, but hey, I think the gratifacation I get from sending this make up for it

Afflict · Thu 09/03/2006 09:39:52

Scams are one thing but spam is another hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate SPAM!

Thats why I have Google Mail can ban spam mails he he.

esper · Thu 09/03/2006 09:46:42

Try to find out who these people are.... I'm going to Kenya in August and I'll track them down and kill them while I'm there.

TerranRich · Thu 09/03/2006 15:25:21

Heh, you know, it's funny that they try to scam me with that routine, and that they do it like 5 times a day sometimes. I once got two of those emails in a row, minutes apart, from two different people in two different countries with two different sad stories.

They really need to just try something else.

The sad thing is that people actually still fall for this routine. If you're smart enough to use email, shouldn't you be smart enough to not be fooled into thinking you've inherited $35 gazillion from somebody you've never heard of?

Mr Flibble · Thu 09/03/2006 16:34:17

Some "women" in "Nigerleria" wanted $10,000 to release her banka account.
I wrote (but ultimately did not send for reason Boyd gave) a long winded essay about how I was too busy looking for the Choas Emeralds.

Paper Carnival · Thu 09/03/2006 16:41:01

I'm suprised that nobody posted this yet: http://www.419eater.com/

HillBilly · Thu 09/03/2006 17:20:02

Quote from: lo_res_man on Wed 08/03/2006 20:42:48just a question, don't you hate those e-mails, were the beg you to take there money?

No, they're awesome.

lo_res_man · Thu 09/03/2006 17:25:34

Quote from: Guybrush Peepwood on Thu 09/03/2006 16:41:01
I'm suprised that nobody posted this yet: http://www.419eater.com/

YES!

that was my inspiration. esp. the part about it being some weird cult

m0ds · Thu 09/03/2006 17:28:35

If I had a pound for all the Saudi Arabian bankers I could've met by now...! hehe

You sent a funny reply, lo_res!

lo_res_man · Thu 09/03/2006 20:29:43

(looks bashful) Aww.. gash.. you guys, thanx!

Barbarian · Fri 10/03/2006 04:26:31

Some people enjoy getting these kinds of emails and "baiting along" the scammers.
Read some of the letters from this website for a laugh (some are quite hilarious):

http://www.419eater.com/html/letters.htm

Don't you hate email scams? [edit]

m0ds