The Crap Joke Thread

[Stupot]

I read a joke today that had me groaning for about 10 minutes solidly afterwards.
I thought I'd share it with you guys. Then I thought why not dedicate an entire thread to those jokes which are not so funny, but have you groaning with a kind of reluctant respect for their cheesyness and charm.

Here's the one that started it.

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him:

A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

I told you it was crap.

Next:

[auriond]

I've read that joke before, with the punchline given as a "super calloused fragile mystic vexed by halitosis".

I have one that's really bad, but the charm lies in the buildup. Of course, the buildup is also what makes it so bad. Warning: really long.

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian.
The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area. Finally one day Justin said to Christian, “I'm fed up with being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten.”

A large mysterious cod appeared & said, “Your wish is granted”, and lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time passed (as it invariably does) and Justin found life as a shark boring & lonely. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

Whilst swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn. He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail. (The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it is much worse).

Looking around the gathering at the reef he realised he couldn't see his old pal. “Where's Christian?” he asked. “He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark”, was the reply.

Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's abode. As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, “It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again.”

Christian replied, “No way, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner.”

Justin cried back, “No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed...”

“I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Christian!”

[Steel Drummer]

That was a pointlessly long joke which could have been summarized in less then three paragraphs. Pure crap!

[DGMacphee]

My Dad was listening to the radio and they had a competition where everyone had to tell their best "chicken cross the road" joke. Most were really crap, but this one tickled him...

Why'd the rubber chicken cross the road?

To stretch his legs.

[Gord10]

My ordinary jokes are usually these kind of jokes. But some more jokes that I had heard wouldn't hurt.

"Oh no! I got bit by a radioactive chicken! I will have the super powers of a chicken, but I will never be able to fly again!"

[auriond]

That was a pointlessly long joke which could have been summarized in less then three paragraphs. Pure crap!

And if it had, I probably wouldn't have liked it as much. I like long jokes with buildups that keep you guessing as to the punchline.

Unless it's something like:

"I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger. Then it hit me."

[Redwall]

Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, Rene, you want a beer?" Descartes scoffs and says, "No, I think not." And then he vanishes.

(if you don't get it)

[Vince Twelve]

What do a bicycle and a duck have in common?

They both have wheels, except for the duck.

[Erenan]

What's brown and sticky?

Spoiler

A stick.

[close]

[Phemar]

This thread will keep you laughing!!

[Stupot]

A midget fortune teller escaped from prison last night.

The newspaper headline said "Small Medium at Large".

[LimpingFish]

David Hasselhoff walks into a bar and says to the bartender "From now on I want to just be known as David Hoff." The bartender nods and says "Sure, David. No hassle."

[Simple]

Q:  How do you make an apple pie?

A:  Kick its fucking teeth out.

...oh, wait...that's how you make an apple cry.

[Tuomas]

Two men were walking on the street, the one in the middle had a hat on.

What do Michael Jackson and Santa have in common? Both empty their sacks on the nursery floor.

The little mosquito was taking his first flight. After he came back his mom asked him: "how was your first flight then?" The little mosquito answered with enthusiasm: "It was great, everyone clapped their hands "

What's the difference between a blonde and a screwdriver? Blondes can't drive!

What do bolts and blondes have in common? The harder you screw them, the easier they stick around.

Where does a blonde keep her most precious things? In full view!

[InCreator]

Everybody knows a story about three bears, right?
Joke goes like this:

Three bears arrive at their house.
"Someone's tried my porridge!" says Papa Bear.
"Someone's sat on my stool!" says Mama Bear.
"Turn the lights out! We'll discuss it next morning!" yells Little bear from bedroom.

The original, if you didn't remember the tale:

Spoiler

A girl gets lost in forest, finds a house, three porridges, which she tries, three stools which she tries and finally, three beds, which she uses to sleep on. The smallest ones, belonging to little bear, always suits the girl. Then three bears arrive home, Mama bear, Papa bear and Little bear, they discover that someone's tried the porridge, stools and find Little girl from bed.

[close]

I think it fits the theme. It's funny, yes, but when naming the idea, well, not so much.

[Babar]

Two guys are in a Public bathroom, one says to the other "How do you do?".
The reply: "I unzip my pants, and then just DO. How do YOU do?"

This joke is usually delivered with the first guy being the Super-Intelligent Great-guy human, and the second being Sub-grade Devolution of human being.

Another:

A fellow from the city buys up a farm. On his second day, his neighbour comes up to ask how he's doing.
The city-slicker is drenched in sweat, and gulping down from a glass. He says: "I hope milking  a cow isn't going to be that difficult everytime!".
The neighbour, with a look of horror replies: "This farm only had a bull!"

[Magic]

What did the cannibal's wife do to her husband when he came home late for tea?

She gave him the cold shoulder. :

I'm sorry.

[Steel Drummer]

Lots of repetitive Star Wars related jokes with tons of spelling errors that are sometimes funny, but for the most part, crap.


Knock yourself out!

(no, I didn't make this website)

[LGM]

Hah, Babar. You stole that joke from City Slickers. For shame! :-p

[CodeJunkie]

What is the unit of power?

Two birds were sitting on a perch and one said to the other: "Do you smell fish?"

Two men walked into a bar.  You'd think one of them would've seen.

How do you get a blonde to burn her ear?  Phone her while she's ironing.

How many times does 4 go into 20?  As many as you like, the answer's always 5.