The Crap Joke Thread

Mugs · Sat 12/05/2007 05:00:43

I can think of two at the moment:

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3 out of 2 people have trouble with fractions.
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A guy walks into a bar. Ouch!
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LUniqueDan · Tue 15/05/2007 09:21:28

What's yellow and can pass through walls?

Spoiler

A magical banana.

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What's red and can get found smashed on walls?

Spoiler

Bipolar tomatoes who think they're magical bananas.

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EDIT :
Better after a couple of drinks.

EDIT 2:
Maybe w\ some shooters too...

markbilly · Tue 15/05/2007 19:00:39

Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?

Spoiler

tequila

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Oh, and...

"There are 10 types of people in the world..."

"Those who understand this joke, and those who don't"

FSi++ · Wed 10/10/2007 18:10:08

Why not necromantize this thread? At least it's fun.

A synergetics' joke. Do you know how do they make these little ships in the bottles?

Spoiler

They put a number of various dung and a load of glue in the bottles and shake them.
The system organizes in the strange things; sometimes it becomes a ship.

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Hopefully it's crappy enough.

Stupot · Wed 10/10/2007 20:32:10

Oooh, I started this thread.. nice to see it back.

A guy is in a locked cell with nothing but a wooden chair...
How does he escape...

Spoiler

First he rubs his hands until they are sore...
then he takes the sore and uses it to cut the wooden chair in half...
two halves make a whole...
So he climbs through the whole...
Then he screams until he is hoarse...
then he jums on the hoarse and rides away.

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bspeers · Wed 10/10/2007 21:44:25

Different kinds of knots were having a race. Who won?

Spoiler

It was a tie.

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Stupot · Thu 11/10/2007 17:08:28

A shelf and a cupboard had a race... it was a Drawer.

TheMagician · Fri 12/10/2007 12:34:42

Three men are talking about their wives.
The first man says:
"I don't understand my wife. Yesterday she braught home a book but she can't read."
The second man says:
"My wife is even stranger: She baught a car yesterday but she can't drive."
The third man says:
"That's all nothing compared to my wife. She came home yesterday evening with condoms ...
...and she doesn't even have a penis."

charliechuck · Fri 12/10/2007 15:21:26

An amercian, englishman and scotsman were sitting at the top of the Statue of Liberty,

the american says, I bet if I drink this bottle of bourbon and jump off here, I'll swoop out of the way just before I reach the bottom.

The other 2 bet him he can't. So the american downs the bottle of bourbon in one, jumps off, falls and somehow swoops out the way at the bottom, flies back up and rejoins the other two.

The scotsman says, bloody hell I'm having a go, so he downs a bottle of whisky, and jumps. He falls down and splats on the floor below.

The englishman turns to the american and says, bloody hell superman, you're a right bastard when you've had a drink.

voh · Fri 12/10/2007 15:33:20

What's blue and slowly becoming purple?

Spoiler

A baby with a plastic bag over its head!

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What's red, sitting in a corner and slowly becoming smaller?

Spoiler

A baby with a cheese grater!

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What has 4 arms and a leg?

Spoiler

A dobermann pincher in a children's playground!

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What do you call a baby nailed to a wall?

Spoiler

Art!

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What's creepier than a pile of dead babies?

Spoiler

One of the babies eating its way out of the pile!

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What's creepier than that?

Spoiler

That baby going back for seconds!

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Dead baby jokes are awesome. And another terrible, terrible joke! In spoiler tags because it's fairly dirty

Spoiler

A girl comes home and asks her dad if she can borrow the car for that evening, to go to a party with friends. Her dad stands up, drops his trousers and says "You know what to do." The girl asks him if she must, and he reiterates that if she wants to borrow the car she'll have to. She grumbles, flops down on her knees and starts.

Suddenly she looks up and says "Dad? Why does it taste like shit?"

Her dad slaps his forehead and exclaims "Oh yeah! I forgot! Your brother already borrowed the car!"

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Stupot · Fri 12/10/2007 16:15:24

Voh... you're a brave man postig tose dead baby jokes... hehe.
I'm a fan myself, but I know they upset a lot of people.

Heres one or two you probably already know:
Those who are easily offended please refrain from looking.

Spoiler

What's blue and orange and sits at the bottom of a swimming pool
Baby with Burst Armbands.

Whats red and stringy and found dangling from the back of a train?
A miscarriage.

Whats long and hard and full of seamen?
The dead five year old boy under my floorboards.

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Tuomas · Fri 12/10/2007 16:22:02

semen, not seamen. or was that the joke?

Jon · Fri 12/10/2007 16:40:57

How do you get a one-armed blonde out of the tree?

Spoiler

Wave to her

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I went to the doctors the other day, and all of a sudden a man, fully naked apart from some clingfilm wrapped around his body, runs in. The doctor looks him up and down and says...

Spoiler

"I can see your nuts"

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Stupot · Fri 12/10/2007 17:35:06

Quote from: Tuomas on Fri 12/10/2007 16:22:02
semen, not seamen. or was that the joke?

Well in the original joke, the answer is Submarine, so in this joke, you spell it 'seamen' to make people think you are just telling that innocent old classic again but it's actually not the same joke.

vertigoaddict · Thu 18/10/2007 13:55:45

1)Two frogs were on a rocket ship. One of the frogs asked the other
"are you feeling alright?"
"Yes, I'm fine"
"You sure?"
"Yes"
"but you look so green!"

2) Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have any guts!

3) knock-knock
who's threre?
yah!
yah-who?

4) (one of my own) Why does my sister wear lipstick?
So her lips won't fall off! (give me a greak, it was funny when I was 10!)

5) what kind of coffee was served in the titanic?
Sanka

lo_res_man · Fri 19/10/2007 00:28:43

What goes ha ha thump?

Spoiler

a man laughing his head off

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How do you know a blondes been using your computer
2 answers, take you pick

Spoiler

whiteout on the screen

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or the dirty answer

Spoiler

The joysticks wet

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voh · Fri 19/10/2007 01:33:14

Quote from: lo_res_man on Fri 19/10/2007 00:28:43
What goes ha ha thump?
Spoiler
a man laughing his head off
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Okay, that one officially cracked me up

Domino · Fri 19/10/2007 02:03:38

How many moron's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Spoiler

10...1 to hold the light bulb and 9 to turn the ladder.

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covox · Fri 19/10/2007 02:22:53

How do monkeys make toast?

Spoiler

They put bread under a gorilla.

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Domino · Fri 19/10/2007 02:31:45

Here is an old joke....from my childhood days.

If a plane crashes on the border of the United States and Canada...where do they bury the survivors?

Spoiler

They don't bury the survivors, they are still alive

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Crap joke indeed.

edit: stupid joke corrected