Serious help needed! girl crisis

[Nostradamus]

Farlander: A jealousy game won't work with her.
P.S.  no need to quote my entire post like that

DGM: You're probably right, that's what I'm starting to do now. I try to think of it as the end of my current life and a new beginning. Only I don't see how my situation is at the moment. It's the right hting to try to forget, but it's hard in the beginning, I'm sure you remember that time when you broke up with your friend.
It's great to hear from someone who had a similiar experience, DG, your post helped.

[MachineElf]

Oh, I see my own situation in this a lot so I understand very clearly how you feel and what you're going through. On the one hand you miss all the good you actually had but on the other you're very disappointed at her and despise her for the pain she's brought to you.

It is a hard situation but I think you've come a long way just by talking about it. Writing down your thoughts like this is sometimes a good way of dealing with a hard situation.

What you should do is just go on with your life without her. If she wants to sort the situation out then let her try and do so but then you'll both have to be totally honest and transparent with how you feel. Make sure she understands it's not just about saying 'sorry', but about really getting deep into the problem. She seems to have some loose ends to tie herself, behaviours as such doesn't come without its reasons. Probably has something to do with childhood, parents or former relationships. Maybe in a year or two or five you two will get together, sort things out and become friends again. As mr Macphee said, people change and so will both of you.

As I said, my situation is quite similar. More like DGM's story though. Things started to get real bad once we moved together to an apartment in a small crappy village. We're still not friends again and I still miss her a LOT sometimes but through all this I've gained a lot; I've changed. Hopefully in some ways to the better...

Uh, I could ramble on with this forever, so I'll just end it here... Period.

[DGMacphee]

Aye, it was a tough time.

But people aware of themselves and their situation always seem to get past it.

And from the sounds of it, I'd say you're very aware of your situation, Nost.


As an after thought:
For me, that last e-mal I sent back (the one where I summed up the last few years and asked her to respect my privacy from now on) was very cathartic -- it was a summation of my last few years and it shows that I still remember them very well.

However, it was also a way of letting go -- probably for both of us.

I've changed and I know that deep inside -- and she probably has as well.

But I can now look at all the lies and bullshit in my life (and not just with her but for many things) with a clean and innocent view.

I don't feel anger or regret any longer -- Just the opposite: I feel happy to have even experienced such things.

I've faced my previous life and now I'm a better person.

I don't mean to give advice or anything, because it's not my place to talk down to others -- But take what you can from my stories and treat them as my gift to you.

When I have a big problem one day, I hope your stories can help me as well!

[MachineElf]

Well spoken, DGM!

[n3tgraph]

Nostradamus I feel sorry for you....

but... I think you deserve better, but you don't need hating feelings for the rest of your life, I had a girlfriend too, we broke up and like for the first months I only remembered the bad stuff about her. After these months I started remembering the great moments with eachother and her good points, which left me with a good memory of her. Try to forget all your hate and present yourself neutral, normal but especially as YOURSELF! Just treat her like a normal friend, nothing more! Look for another girl and I'm sure that when you find the right one, you'll be much happier than you have been ever before.

You can make yourlife so damn bad when always being grumpy and hating, always look on the bright side of life

[Nostradamus]

I'm taking your advice people.. we have a saying in my county - "far from the eye, far from the heart". I haven't seen her since Friday and each day it's easier for me to not care and not be sad. I know it will hurt when I will se her eventually - in the base, or on friday when we go out with our mutual friends.
I really have no hope of patching things up with her cos I don't see any chance of her going to change.

[DGMacphee]

Good choice.

In your first post, you said "the problem is without her I have no girl in my life" -- But I think it's positive to face life without her.

It's better to face and embrace the unknown and the uncertain as you'll learn way more about yourself.