your best jokes!

SSH · Wed 07/05/2003 13:11:25

When I was young, with all our family in our little hovel in the Highlands, we used to huddle around a candle in winter to keep warm.

When it got REALLY cold, we would light the candle.

n3tgraph · Wed 07/05/2003 14:32:08

old lame rog joke:

it's brown and sticky

a stick

Nellie · Wed 07/05/2003 16:20:36

Did you hear that the Duracell bunny got arrested?

Apparently the police charged him with battery.

Adamski · Wed 07/05/2003 17:35:22

Knock knock.

Fuzzpilz · Wed 07/05/2003 17:44:02

Quote from: Dark Stalkey on Wed 07/05/2003 17:35:22
Knock knock.

Who's dead?

Adamski · Wed 07/05/2003 17:51:29

The King.

veryweirdguy · Wed 07/05/2003 17:54:38

The King who?

Jimi · Wed 07/05/2003 17:55:25

during the war, 3 allied soldiers were captired by the nazis. They were ordered to be shot by the firing squad. The day came, and all three stood there scared. One suddenly had an idea.
"Follow my lead" he said.
The nazi officer started the shooting with a "ready, aim" Just then, the allied soldier interupted, "Hurricane!" he shouted. The nazi soldiers looked around. And the man escaped. The nazis turned back. The Nazi officer started agin. "Ready, aim..." the 2nd allied soldier shouted: "Tornado!". Once again, the nazi soldiers turned around. And the guy escaped. The final man was now really confident he could get away. The nazi officer started the squad up agin. "Ready, aim, "

With all his might, he pointed towards the soldiers, and shouted: "FIRE!"

Raggit · Wed 07/05/2003 18:08:06

A blonde suspected that her husband was cheating on her. So one day she decided to showup unexpectedly to the house to see if he was. She decided to take a gun with her.

Sure enough, there was her husband on the couch with another woman drinking wine and stuff.

The blonde then took the gun and shot the woman. Then the blonde put the gun to her own head and her husband jumps up saying "wait honey, don't do it!!"

The blonde replied saying "shutup, you're next!!!"

SSH · Wed 07/05/2003 18:08:24

A lorry full of hair restorer overturned on the motorway. Police are combing the area.

A number of vehicles have disappeared into a hole that appeared in the middle of London. Police are looking in to it.

Jimi · Wed 07/05/2003 18:18:24

Thousands of dogs ran away from the park. Police have no leads.

A tanker of glue tipped over on the motorway. Its a sticky situation.

Trapezoid · Wed 07/05/2003 19:31:43

Q. How does the Pope urinate?

A. Standing up.

Jimi · Wed 07/05/2003 19:59:52

SSH · Thu 08/05/2003 13:40:31

For those of you on a UNIX system, try the following jokes:

First of all make sure that you're running csh, then enter the following lines for computer wisdom:

Women: are they worth it?

Cigarette?

Jimi · Thu 08/05/2003 17:40:10

what's it do?

Matt Brown · Thu 08/05/2003 18:49:53

whats green and has wheels?

Spoiler

grass. I was lying about teh wheels

[close]

whats green, fuzzy, has 4 legs, and can kill you if it fell out of a tree?

Spoiler

a pool table!!!!

[close]

Gonzo · Thu 08/05/2003 19:38:14

What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?

Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon. Michael Jackson sleeps with children.

Matt Brown · Thu 08/05/2003 20:39:06

hahahahahah, gonzo, that is so funny

Jimi · Fri 09/05/2003 18:52:49

are you being sarcastic Mr Panda?

Czar · Fri 09/05/2003 19:56:46

well i dont get some of yours, but k, here are some of mine:
Little John wanted to have sex with his sister, but the sister said: Are you mad?Thats incest! But nevermind what she said, she caught her and f***d her... After that she says: Wow, you fuck better than dad. He says: I know, mom told me.

-----

Two cops fell into a pit/hole.
After trying and trying, one of them says: If we dont get out after 2 hours, i'm going home.

I'll post more later...