Things you can't say in public.

[Akumayo]

Once upon a time, not so long ago, you could say just a about anything in public and be taken completely seriously, but nowadays....

"I can handle myself."
"The pleasure's all mine."
"Here it comes."
"There it goes."
"I've got a crick in my neck."
"Jingle Bells."
"Carry these balls."
"I'm sore all over."
"I am conservative."
"I have a rash."
"I live in a nutshell."
"Grab my balls and lets go."
"This is the biggest thing I've ever put in my mouth!"
"I'm coming."

Add to the list if you like, we can't prolong society's downfall any longer, so let's support it!!!Ã, 

[Nacho]

"I am conservative"

[Akumayo]

He he he.  I like this, that's a good one.

[Nikolas]

Yelling:

"I'm cuming!", to your mother! (sounding: "I'm comming")

[esper]

In a vain attempt to be cool, I used to say "this me" and "that me;" for example, if I needed a napkin at a restaurant I would look at the person closest to them and go "Napkin me..." That is, until the day me and my pal Tom were working on building a life-sized replica of a Dalek from Doctor Who in his basement (said project has since been utterly laid waste)... When I called out, "Hey Tom, screw me..."

...I have not said that ever since...

[edmundito]

Apparently, "I have to take a shower" can't be said anymore.... at least by me, because then my friends thinks that I'm going to be "taking a shower".. you know what I mean? (insert perversion here)

[PsychicHeart]

"grab my balls and let's go."
" what a dicky shirt"
" this is fun and gay"

furthermore, FIGHT THE OPPRESSION!

[DragonRose]

A friend of mine one day was getting poked with a broom (don't ask).  His response was "Stop brooming me!"

So instead he started getting punched in the arm. His response was "Stop fisting me!"

[esper]

Oh, my... These quotes seem to be much better in context. That was the funniest story I think I've heard in....

Ã,  Well, I don't hear too many funny stories. Nevertheless... I must needs add a couple more of my own.

Ã,  Ã, In college, I had a friend who was, in a nutshell (heh... in a nutshell... there's another one)... a complete freakin' imbecile. I was tuning my guitar one day and the last string snapped. So, being a minor fool myself, I cried out in a crowded lunch hall for all to hear, "Dammit! My G-string!!!"
Ã,  Ã, Now, I said my friend was the freakin' imbecile in this case, right? Indeed. His reply was, "What's a G-spot?"

Ã,  Ã,  Furthermore, this same idiot friend, when taking some ignorant test in psychology class that lined you up with key characters from the Bible, made the most ruinous double entendre ever heard in public. I got Solomon, and so I said "Cool. I got Solomon. He was a wizard. I'm Solomon in a major way. I'm a big damn Solomon." This fool friend of mine looks at me and, once again within earshot of every living being on campus (about), says "I'm a big Peter!"

Ã,  Ã, Lastly, I once went to a renaissance faire with a couple girls and the guy running a game where you have to climb a rope bridge over a haystack asked one of the girls if they'd like to go for a roll in the hay.
Ã,  Ã, The worst part is, I didn't get that one at the time, and he'd MEANT it, not let it slip...

[Meowster]

I went to a sushi restaurant for the first time in my life, with my boyfriend. He explained you needed to eat the things on the plates with the chopsticks by dipping them in the soy sauce and them putting the whole thing in your mouth. After doing a couple times, I exclaimed, "this is the biggest thing I've ever put in my mouth!" and then added thoughtfully, "Well, not really I suppose..."

Anyway, it was all meant perfectly innocently, but he laughed so hard he started choking ...

Also, one day he was telling me that one of his friends found a music organ one day, and he has it in his house now. So when his friend came over that day, I asked if I could 'go over to his house and play his organ'.

Whoops.

[Helm]

"It's a pain in the ass getting myself packed."

[Nacho]

...with my boyfriend...

:'(Ã,  :'(Ã,  :'(Ã,  :'(Ã,  :'(Ã,  :'(Ã,  :'(Ã,  :'(Ã,  :'(Ã,  :'(

[Akumayo]

Great stories guys, keep 'em coming!

OOPS!! 

"Keep 'em coming..."  hehe

[Sam.]

well, not really the same, but why can't i call gypsies gyspsies? Its not oofensive, but i have to call them "travellers". Aslo, i got told i am not aloud to say that someone who is gay, is gay. Surely it makes a bigger deal out of it to say that this is my homosexual friend! (obviously that is NOT how i introduce him)

[Eggie]

"I loves eating me them cox..."

[Squinky]

"I loves eating me them cox..."

Amen Brotha...

[Domino]

"I can't wait to sink my teeth into this long wiener"





Of course i meant this wiener....

[Klytos]

I can't use the word "rubber" at work cause of the childish teenage girls, it's an "eraser".

Aslo, i got told i am not aloud to say that someone who is gay, is gay. Surely it makes a bigger deal out of it to say that this is my homosexual friend! (obviously that is NOT how i introduce him)

That, Zooty, is political correctness gone stupid. I hear that all the time, but I've got gay friends who call themselves a lot worse than that. Sometimes it's all in the way you use a word, not the actual word itself. In the case of "gay" I think it's how it's used.

[Squinky]

well, not really the same, but why can't i call gypsies gyspsies? Its not oofensive, but i have to call them "travellers". Aslo, i got told i am not aloud to say that someone who is gay, is gay. Surely it makes a bigger deal out of it to say that this is my homosexual friend! (obviously that is NOT how i introduce him)

Dude, that is so gay.

[MrColossal]

(obviously that is NOT how i introduce him)

Of course it isn't, you say "This is my life partner."