Changing my last name with marriage

Kinoko · Tue 10/01/2006 04:22:34

I've been thinking a bit lately, just lightly, about whether I should change my last name when I get married. This could still be over a year away but I feel like it's gonna take that long to make a decision.

The problem is I don't feel either way on the subject whatsoever. I don't care and I can see ups and downs on both sides. I don't have any moral beliefs or religious beliefs that dictate whether I should keep my last name or take my husbands and he feels exactly the same as I do on the subject so it's purely up to me and doesn't matter much either way.

I like my last name, and I've had it forever. I like his too, and it would certainly be interesting to see how it feels to have a different name. It would make some legal matters easier I suppose, to change, but then again keeping it the same would mean I wouldn't have the hassel of changing it in various places either so ... I feel like it's even on both sides!

I was wondering if anyone had any thoughts or input on the subject. Have you done it? Know someone who kept/changed their name? Any problems I'm not forseeing? I'm completely on the fence about this right now, as I just don't care @_@ I'm 100% happy to do either.

(Yes, I've considered the fact that perhaps men could change their last names but if my fiance doesn't specifically want to, it's not worth making an issue about it, whereas I will specifically be asked at some point).

rharpe · Tue 10/01/2006 04:39:55

If neither one of you care, fall back on the traditional ways. Why? Because having two seperate last names does not depict union. When you are married you are one. His life is yours and yours his. It will be easier to name the kids too.

And if he is the going to be the head of the house, and you the heart, take his name... I am the head but by wife tends to influence me toward her desires... (don't even ask me how.) And we have been together for almost 9 years now.

Kinoko · Tue 10/01/2006 04:59:38

There's certainly no "head" of the household, and we're already 'unified'. Neither of us are getting married for any reason other than formalising our relationship, for legal purposes (as you said, we're sharing our lives and being formally married makes that easier), and so we can have a wedding and an awesome party ^_^

What I mean is that we already live as a normal married couple do. Heck, I have to stop myself from calling him my husband most of the time. Our lives are already shared, as such.

We won't be having kids so that's not a worry, and the cats only have one name each so they'll be fine.

I'm particularly interested in what the women here think, because it's us doing the name changing.

I really only thought of this today because one of the teacher's got married, and you tend to call people by their last names in Japan so she's no longer 'Miura-sensei', but 'Sawara-sensei' (which is a damn hard change to get used to).

Vince Twelve · Tue 10/01/2006 05:12:16

Choose a new name that's neither yours nor his (I predictably suggest "Robocop") and change both of your last names to that! Marriage is all about compromise.

Squinky · Tue 10/01/2006 05:39:26

I say string them all together, so you sound like a rockstar....

Nikolas · Tue 10/01/2006 05:51:38

I would propose both of you changing your names to Kinoko:

Example: Rebeca Kinoko! Tasty!

On a more serious manner, at least in Greece, where I got married, until the 80s you had to change your name. After that you couldn't change your name. So now my wife and I have different surnames. When we got married we signed a small paper stating what name our children will have. Where are you getting marriade? Australia? Japan? Are there any laws over there concerning this? You're having a religious marriage or a political one? Does it make any difference regarding paperwork?

And who said anything about comporomise and marriage? Come on! When my wife and I agree, we always do what she wants. When we disagree we go my way. 50-50. Fair's fair! haha!

Kinoko: When's the marriage? WE should know to send you a present or something...

Kinoko · Tue 10/01/2006 06:06:08

Hehe, certainly not for awhile yet. Not until I get back to Australia (where there are fairly liberal laws concerning marriage so we can do whatever we like. I have friends that have kept their names, friends that have changed) and awhile after that because I'm the sort of person that likes to organise things like this well, not rush them and have everything go screwy.

For now, I'm leaning towards the Robocop idea, but I'm more partial to Batman, and Neal would probably prefer Anpanman.

mozza · Tue 10/01/2006 06:12:57

Quote from: Squinky on Tue 10/01/2006 05:39:26
I say string them all together, so you sound like a rockstar....

My mum kept her last name and added a "-" then added dad's last name. It works for her.

Kinoko · Tue 10/01/2006 06:15:54

Heiphenation is out of the question @_@ I'll feel like a divorcee in the making.

LGM · Tue 10/01/2006 06:38:23

I say go the traditional route. If you really don't care, you really don't care. What are his views on it?

Traveler · Tue 10/01/2006 07:15:13

I say keep your name. If you love your boyfriend, you don't need to show him this way (especially if he doesn't have strong feelings about it.) In my opinion (with which many people may not agree), you can better "show union" if you hold his hand while walking on the streets, etc. BTW, my wife kept her name and I had no trouble with it.

Las Naranjas · Tue 10/01/2006 07:32:00

I have to put my name in with the "change your name to something cooler" school of though, what's wrong with Rock Awesome III Esq.?

Babar · Tue 10/01/2006 11:46:27

A friend of mine got into this discussion and VERY much got heated up. She was of the opinion that all males here are idiots because when asked, they'll say "They'd prefer that their spouse change the name". This OBVIOUSLY shows that males think females inferior and that they can dictate that females should be the ones to change the name :

.

I personally like my last name. It sounds nice, it flows, and it connects me to a nice history. Funnily enough, my friend had the almost exact reverse of my name: Where I was Babar Kemal, she was Komal Babar. I used to joke with her that if we got married, either choice would be hell for someone.

Kinoko · Tue 10/01/2006 12:08:41

Babar Babar or Komal Kemal... a situation where Robocop really is a feasable option.

Nikolas · Tue 10/01/2006 12:18:26

I always consider Robocop to be less than a male than Batman... Hmmm... Sorry Vince...

Kinoko · Tue 10/01/2006 13:08:55

Yeah! And considering those campy versions of Batman, that's saying something indeed.

Batman rocks, though ^_^

ildu · Tue 10/01/2006 14:18:32

Make a poll with both potential names. A group vote should do the trick. We're all in this together, right?

Meowster · Tue 10/01/2006 14:28:24

Depends. For my previous boyfriends I definitely would NOT have changed my name, and not just because they were boring names (or demonic names... PRENDERGHAST). However, my boyfriend has a really cool surname. And most names are better than 'Clarke'. Also, I haven't had the name 'Clarke' all my life... before my parents separated, I used to be 'Rusalka Grant'.

So in summary, it depends on which name you prefer. If nothing else really matters to you.

What ARE your surnames, anyway?

IM NOT TEH SPAM · Tue 10/01/2006 14:43:34

Well, my mother wanted to keep her name when she married my father. Her last name was Jordan, and his is Booth. So now, she's officially known as Barbara Ann Jordan Booth.

Either way, it really doesn't matter. I think you should take his name, it's a symbol of unity and it just makes things easier.

voh · Tue 10/01/2006 14:54:34

I actually talked this over with my girlfriend a while back. What if we were to get married? I'm the only male de Graaf on my side of the family, and so it's only logical that I continue the name. Though I'm also leaning towards a name change, as my grandmother was called Brienne - which is a beautiful name. And as far as I know, her name ended with her.

So I'm considering changing my name to de Graaf-Brienne.

My girl likes de Graaf, more than her own name, but as she says, it IS her name. She'd probably be called de Graaf-Prijs when we eventually get married.

But if I change my name to de Graaf-Brienne, she'll be de Graaf-Brienne-Prijs.

Which is awesome.