Changing my last name with marriage

[MrColossal]

Well, speaking as a woman I have no desire to see my last name changed or my husband to be's last name. Not out of any feminist "damn the traditional man" views or anything but because it's my name. Why change it? I'm still the same person and it'd make things easier, I wouldn't have to get a new license and all that.

But since I'm not a woman I'll speak from my colossal side, I went to a wedding a few months ago and when they were "pronounced" the priest said "I now pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. Fletcher Conlon." and I was like "What happened to Amy?" so I said to Jess "Just because we may get married doesn't mean you have to be obliterated from history, we'll just merge our names!"

Which sadly would give us Finkenstein, or Feurstink... So instead we'll just keep our own names and name our first kid [if we have one] Racecar 3000.

" I think you should take his name, it's a symbol of unity and it just makes things easier." So would him taking her name.

But as you say, if it doesn't matter to you then just do neither, keep your names the same. Just because you don't care doesn't mean you should default to tradition!

[Becky]

Speaking as an actual woman: Meh, whatever.   I mean, it's just your last name.  Just think about whichever you'd prefer to put on legal documents and stuff and then stick with it.

Personally I feel no attatchment to my own surname, and if I was to get married I'd probably take my husband's surname just for the sake of it.  It doesn't mean that you are owned and are property of your husband unless you actually believe that rubbish, it's done for convenience's sake anyway.

[Eigen]

Make sure, when you take a new name, don't end up with something like in "Married with children" was: 

Marcy D'Arcy

If not, it's okay. 


-Eigen 

[MrColossal]

but again, convenience would be no change at all, then you don't have to change any legal documents with your old name or whatever, or tell people "It's Becky von Trumpenshire now..."

[Becky]

Let me elaborate by what I meant by "convenience's sake"

It's a common "assumption" (although perhaps an outdated one) that when married the woman will take her husband's surname.  I think that people will continue to take their husbands surname because it's traditional, and the "default" stance.  People tend to think of married couples as "Mr + Mrs *name*", so in that way it would be convenient.

But then again, I don't care

[Tuomas]

Well I would never gladly marry someone with a surname like Virtanen which is very popular in Finland. Unless I loved her of course. I have a great, rare surname, actually it's protected by law so that you can't change your to it unless in marriage. So I wouldn't want epople like Järvinen in my family...but, to speak the truth, it really doesn't matter, the surname I mean. Yet I'd wish the girl would like my name and change to it if she wanted to, but I'd never be opposed to her keeping her own name. I certainly wouldn't change mine...

[Tom S. Fox]

My suggestion: Stay with the name, you got (more or less) famous with.

[Pumaman]

It depends very much on what your names are.

If, for example, your current name was something awful like "Rebecca Kiddiefiddler" then you may well benefit by changing it to your husband's more reasonable name.

On the other hand, if your name was "Komplete Smith" and your husband's surname was "Pratt", you might find it better sticking with what you've got.

[The Inquisitive Stranger]

I'll only change my last name if I find a suitable husband whose last name is cooler than "Kiai".

[PaulSC]

I plan to marry myself and take the name 'Spanky Judas'.

[Rui 'Trovatore' Pires]

This probably isn't helpful, since I'm a) a guy and b) Portuguese - here in Portugal we not only have LONG names (my name is Rui Pedro Correia Pires, and other names pulled out of hats are Catarina da Costa Sousa Macedo Ferreira and... ah, look 'em up. We got many names), we also got NO obligation to change them upon marriage. Incidently, my father's last name was Pires, and my mother's last name is Correia, but that means nothing, I could just as easily have been called "Rui Pedro Castanheira" if they had felt like it.

That said - my life experience is quite, quite short, but on some aspects I've had to really take some time to think about things, because of the time I spent in an acting school. It makes you reflect on a lot of things (things you can't possibly mature until you're older, which I'm not yet). One of them is identity, and how you feel towards yourself.

"A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet". Ayuh, but that's it's name. And it has several meanings, and several interpretations of the meanings. Whether we grow into our name or it grows on us, or whether we choose to change it - it matters in a level. It's our name. It's more than our beaurocratic identity, it's one of the many, many things that identifies us. I wouldn't dream of changing my name, under any circumstance (and my artistic name is simply "Rui Pires"), I wouldn't like to be called by any other name. And I like it when I hear my name called out loud. More often than not, it means someone cares enough to say it (such a little thing, I know - but really, you'd be surprised...), and it's part of me. I was born with it. It's probably the one thing I'll carry to my grave, and I'll always treasure it.

Ranting over, what I mean is, just think about whether you are really that indifferent towards the situation. That's all.

[Helm]

Marry your brother. This solves the problem. In fact, I find this solves most problems.

[Kinoko]

Wow, thanks everyone for the opinions. In particular, thanks to MC cause that made me feel a lot better about, if I do keep my own name, not feeling like a raving feminist.

I do feel, as illogical as it may sound, a certain attachment to my own name, Clements. You may not think it's a great name, but it's been my name for almost 23 years and I like the way it sounds with Rebecca. My initials have always been RJC. I used to write it on desks and trees. My fiance has a -fine- last name, I have no problems with it - Steinhardt. Rebecca Steinhardt sounds pretty cool to me too, and part of me thinks it'd be really fun to have a new last name. Bit like an adventure, I guess.

I'm still torn but you've all made me feel better about either decision.

EDIT: The one thing I -won't- be doing is letting anyone pronounce me "Mrs Neal Steinhardt". My GOD I'd kick someone's arse if that happened.

[voh]

So basically your options are:

Rebecca Clements
Rebecca Steinhardt
Rebecca Clements-Steinhardt
Rebecca Steinhardt-Clements
Rebecca Ultracool

Keeping your maiden name is your choice only. If he insists on you taking his name, he's not a very good guy :p

[IM NOT TEH SPAM]

Rebecca Ultracool

When i grow up, I'm officially changing my name to Joe Kickass!

[Tiki]

I say change your name.  There are two female teachers at my school who did not change their last names, and people keep thinking they're unrelated to their family, or there was a divorce or something.

Besides, it seems like nothing else would really change from marraige.. your friends/family might forget that you ever married him!

Edit:  "Mr. Kickass, may I take your coat?"

[Squinky]

Yeah, I've wondered before how odd it must be for women to just change their name, it would totally freak me out.

My gal is much more traditional than I am, so this wasn't ever an issue, but if it was I would have understood. I still think of her name as her real name, not the one where we tacked my name on (even though mine is definately cooler).

I think if you are asking the question in the first place, then you should keep your name.

[DGMacphee]

Witness a murder. The Feds will make up new names for you and hubby and also give you a nice house. Problem solved.

[Tom S. Fox]

Hmm, maybe you should change your name.
Steinhardt is a cool name, too.
It's german for "adamant".

[voh]

Isn't that sort of an interpretation, rather than a literal translation? It would be like stone hard literally, making the most neutral interpretation "rock hard". Adamant is a pretty specific word